ohhey

long time no talk about my ugly feels. But alas I'm in class and I have no paper but I do have my laptop so I'm just gonna stop paying attention and try my best not to cry or something. My homework turned out shit. I don't even have my homework for my next class. I don't want to go to it honestly. I don't know if I could even last the class. God there's still almost two hours left in this one, maybe I can feign illness and just go back to my dorm and curl up into a ball and just hope that wednesday comes faster. God this self doubt is crippling. I just want to be home and I just want to stay there. I guess if I fail here I'll get to go home. Do something sensible with my life. But that sounds awful too. I just want people to care about and to care about me. I mean I have a few friends out here, but they're new yanno? It's not the same as old friendship. You don't need a backstory cause they already know it, or were a part of it.

Fuck depression. Fuck being sad all the time. I don't get any say, I don't get a reason for why I'm so fucking sad, it just is. It just happens and I have to deal with it, and try to keep my life from completely falling to shit. Maybe I really should go back home and just do community college shit. It'd save money too. Cripes knows that's at the base of half of my fucking problems, money.

well this isn't helping at all. I think it's making things worse. and it only killed like 20 minutes. ANyway hi blog.
I'll be alright. I just have to keep pushing on.