For the Love of Fuck

I believe I've written about how my dad and I are trying to patch things up. In any case, his last email to me asked why I didn't just get over what had happened, and why it took me two years to reach out to him. It was just so incredibly astounding to me that he didn't seem to realize the gravity of what he'd done. So I told him. I stopped with all the passive bull-shit and I flat out told him why it was so hard for me to get back to him, because he'd really hurt me. I was just trying to let him get some perspective on the "why" of things, and see what I was thinking all that time. But he's responded and it's just... so incredibly frustrating. He's just so defensive and passive and he belittles himself in every other sentence. I wanted to give him perspective, but it seemed to just go right over his head.
He thought that because we weren't really talking too much anyway he should just "formalize it" like what the actual fuck??? That's not something you formalize for fucks sake.
And then he goes and asks me to become an adult!?? Like did you just fucking miss the entire point of that last email? Have you totally missed the ones previous to that telling you how much more confident I am? What the fuck does that even mean? "become an adult" What do I make myself a cocoon and emerge a month later with big-ass wings and the ability to read his mind? Then he tells me that pain is an illusion. What the shit. What the actual fuck does that mean in this context. That all the bullshit you put me through wasn't real? Wrong it was real and I'm not going to dismiss it. It happened and now I'm past it. But I'm starting to realize that he's just kind of a shitty communicator. Like, a really shitty communicator. I want this to work out, but he and I just don't know how to talk anymore. Not that we ever really did. But ugh. he's just so incredibly dense. I guess I'll go try to fix this fucking train wreck.

WOW IT HAS BEEN A WHILE

HI HELLO BLOG. How are you? Cause I'm fucking rad :3
Like, I've taken to this whole college junk like, mega super well. I live in the dormitories and Jude lives in temporary housing a few blocks down. We hang out when she has days off or if I need to do important things around the city. She's still kindof a butt sometimes, but for the most part she's super nice and I'm so glad to have her around. She might move back to colorado though. Apparently she only moved out here because she wanted to be there for me ;3; Which is so nice of her, but I feel awful for putting her in such a situation. We were gonna get an apartment together but that didn't work out. We still might next semester if she decides to stay :3
So I'm in an all girls dorm, which is not the super best, but it's still pretty cool. I'm in what should be a four person room with another girl, named Fraccessca. However the other two people never showed up~! So it's just the two of us in this huge-ass room and it's so great because we're both introverts and such, and we have a lot of space so it's not too bad being around someone a lot of the time. We get along pretty well too. She listens to cool music and is in to a bit of fandom junk and all that jazz.
I've made a few friends too~ They're interesting and fun. I dunno I still feel like I've not met someone who I can really get to know and all that. I miss Scout so much man. I just miss how close we are. I'm not close with anyone here. And like, new friends are great and all that, but it's a different dynamic than the one you get with old friends u3u
In any case my fingers are getting tired, I got a new compy and I'm not used to the keyboard o3o so much bigger than my old one.