I've not really been thinking all that hard about my move to SF. It'll just come out in bursts when I'm talking to people, I just realize all the things that are going to happen and they just kind of burst out. But then, I feel bad because I realize I'm leaving all these amazing people behind. If I could I would take every single one of them with me to SF. It seems that my life is keeping constant with it's cliches. It seems like I've finally found a way to reach out to people and have really solid relationships, like the people I'm with are even more solid than before and I've met some new people too, but now I'm moving. I'm just starting to find that utopic summer, that ideal group of people and memories, and I'm leaving it all behind. It makes me really not want to go, but I know that my future is out there, and I can't get the same thing here, so I just have to keep telling myself that this is an adventure, that this is going to be difficult, but it's going to be amazing too. That ahead of me isn't oblivion just because it's unlike anything I've ever done before, it's memories waiting to happen. I may not be around the same people anymore, but that doesn't mean they've ceased to exist, or be important. What with the internet, it'll be really easy to stay in touch.
It's a tie between Scout and my cats as to who's going to be the hardest to leave. (This is a compliment Scout, I swear.) Even if scout and I haven't been in as much contact, she's still there. Every time I go by her house I think about her, I smile. Or if I go past the mall, or a bowling alley, or anything and everything that reminds me of her. And then there's being able to out of the blue, hang out and talk and be together, I don't know how I'm going to handle not having that. I know no one is ever going to be able to replace her either, and I wouldn't want anyone to. If there's one person who shaped me in to who I am today, it's her. I say that with complete certainty. She's always been my hero and my idol, to the point of being a wee bit creepy. I know we'll be friends forever, and no dessert or sea of mormons is going to change that, but I still wish she could come along. Partly for selfish reasons, but also because I think she's far too amazing a mind to be held in a tiny little town like Arvada. If she wanted it, she could have the world on their knees for any number of reasons, be that her intelligence, her talent, her beauty, her resilience, her kindness, her boldness, I could go on but I really am trying to be less creepy about how rad I think she is. Basically I'm gonna miss the fuck out of her and if ever she wanted to get out and abroad I'd offer her a room in no time. Jude can sleep on the couch -3- In any case, Scout, you are the absolute most amazing person I've ever met, and my best friend in the entire world and I will never leave you, or not be there for you, or not care the world for you, regardless of how much space is between us.
In other, less interesting news I have three whole boxes packed and I've managed to stop having existential, nihilistic crisis every night when I try to go to sleep. Or at least I've gotten them under control, I can divert my thoughts to some place else pretty well. I'm really not very good at packing, I don't really see what needs to be packed. I need someone to just sit in my room with me and point to objects so I can decide if I want to pack it, sell it, or keep it around at the house for nostalgic porpoises, but I feel like asking anyone would be too sad and I'd probably end up crying. I really want to drive out to SF too. It just seems right. Hopefully I can get things worked out with scout.
I also really need to plan my going away hoopla's. I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. Ugh. Thinking about all this too hard makes my head hurt and makes me sad. I just felt like I should write some of this down for posterities sake or what the fuck ever. I'm gonna go take my meds and pass out now I guess.
It's a tie between Scout and my cats as to who's going to be the hardest to leave. (This is a compliment Scout, I swear.) Even if scout and I haven't been in as much contact, she's still there. Every time I go by her house I think about her, I smile. Or if I go past the mall, or a bowling alley, or anything and everything that reminds me of her. And then there's being able to out of the blue, hang out and talk and be together, I don't know how I'm going to handle not having that. I know no one is ever going to be able to replace her either, and I wouldn't want anyone to. If there's one person who shaped me in to who I am today, it's her. I say that with complete certainty. She's always been my hero and my idol, to the point of being a wee bit creepy. I know we'll be friends forever, and no dessert or sea of mormons is going to change that, but I still wish she could come along. Partly for selfish reasons, but also because I think she's far too amazing a mind to be held in a tiny little town like Arvada. If she wanted it, she could have the world on their knees for any number of reasons, be that her intelligence, her talent, her beauty, her resilience, her kindness, her boldness, I could go on but I really am trying to be less creepy about how rad I think she is. Basically I'm gonna miss the fuck out of her and if ever she wanted to get out and abroad I'd offer her a room in no time. Jude can sleep on the couch -3- In any case, Scout, you are the absolute most amazing person I've ever met, and my best friend in the entire world and I will never leave you, or not be there for you, or not care the world for you, regardless of how much space is between us.
In other, less interesting news I have three whole boxes packed and I've managed to stop having existential, nihilistic crisis every night when I try to go to sleep. Or at least I've gotten them under control, I can divert my thoughts to some place else pretty well. I'm really not very good at packing, I don't really see what needs to be packed. I need someone to just sit in my room with me and point to objects so I can decide if I want to pack it, sell it, or keep it around at the house for nostalgic porpoises, but I feel like asking anyone would be too sad and I'd probably end up crying. I really want to drive out to SF too. It just seems right. Hopefully I can get things worked out with scout.
I also really need to plan my going away hoopla's. I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. Ugh. Thinking about all this too hard makes my head hurt and makes me sad. I just felt like I should write some of this down for posterities sake or what the fuck ever. I'm gonna go take my meds and pass out now I guess.
No comments:
Post a Comment