Well aside from those two days with Aidan these past two weeks have been pretty much constant mediocrity and shit. It's made me feel stupid, socially inept and like no one could give a rat's fucking ass about me. When I try to do things with anyone I either get no reply or they've got something better going on. Sure some of that is bas luck but the rest of it is just a huge middle finger. Trey is such a cunt he plays sweet and nice and then pulls these fucking stupid "jokes" that are seriously the least funny thing I've ever been put through. No, asking multiple times to find a girl to have threesome with you, despite my giving you a fuck load of reasons, why I'm not down for that is not fucking funny. Telling me you've moved is not fucking funny, playing with my emotions is not fucking funny and if I had more people who wanting anything to do with me I wouldn't talk to the stupid fuck any more. And then of course Jude comes home and literally, physically pushes me off the computer because she can't wait two fucking seconds for me to get off and that's just the final fucking straw so I ran outside and cried and I still want to cry and I still want to beat her stupid, pretentious, fucking fucking skull in with a rock because fuck her and how much she's fucked me up and how fucking broken and fucking sociopathic she is and she makes me feel so stupid and fucking powerless like there;s nothing i can do to change these shitty circumstances and evrything just sucks so fucking much and honestly it's a fucking wonder I'm not suicidal because i seems like that's just the answer the universe keeps trying to give me and I just don't even know what to do because shacker I'm worthless and I ruin all my ralationships by being a stupid second guessing gullible over-attatched shit head and I'm just so fucking done wiwth being tossed aside by everyone like fucking trash. It'd be great to feel like I'm not second rate in everyone's life but who am I kidding I don't have any way to find that out, because whenever I try to gt anyone's attention they either ignore me outright or tell me I'm stupid for feeling like shit so I'm just gonna keep typing and crying because I can't do anything else and i have nothin else to do excep clean shit because that's all I'm good for and I'll never have real plans or an actual purpouse and I'm just gonna be stuck working shitty fast food jobs for the rest of my life with no friends and people just using me for sex and the occasional emotional validation though I don;t know why people even want me aound for anything but sex because apparently having a tight vunt and giving head are the only things people value in me. And I want someone to tell me otherwise but i'd just be forcing them to anyway so what's the point. I  an;t een tell what wrong with me to fix so I can be a  person people actually want to barond . At therapy todya my therapist asked if there was any reason why no one ever wanted to talk to me and I couldn't think of one thing and she thinks that I put out sex stuff to too much and that's why I have shallow menaingless relationships where the only thing I have to offer is sex and I don't see why I can't do both but I gues that's just fucking stupid of me for thinking and I feel so sad and I just want Jude to realize how muchthat hurt but she won't because she doesn't care aout me t all a lll and any I try to do do to tell her about how I feel I feel she'll just just throw back in my fack and make me feel weak and stupid and paathetic  and oh my goshdljfjkk i can't stop crying and everything hurts and I just want it to stop but I can't stop crying because I can't and I guess this is what I get for thinkign that I could without fucking medication because I'm tooo fuckied up to be able to have normal brain fucnctions even though nothing really bad has evr happened and I get sent over the edge by a few bad jokes and my sister being a dick like she always is, like seriously this is nothing new, this every day of my life I should just be fucking used to it by now n=but look at me I have to over react to everything I guess I don't really have anything fucking valuable left to say but I don't know what else i can do beside sit here and feel sorry for myself