I Shouldn't be Suprised

I go upstairs to get something to eat and my mom tells me that she's going to put 50 dollars into my account for grocery shopping. I had been talking with my therapist about how I feel like she's controlling me and trying to keep me from making mistakes when I move out and I just want her to leave me alone for fucks sake and let me fuck up if that's what happens. If you're gonna teach me anything fucking teach me how to do banking. I literally know nothing about banking and yet you want me to work on my budgeting skills. It would probably be great to know how to access the money I make before I try to budget it. And budgeting is something I can figure out on my own, jesus fucking christ. She's upset at me for just spending money on groceries well it was your fucking idea to make me buy them in the first place. You didn't give me a limit then, you didn't berate me about how I spend too much money then, but you are now because you want to make up for your shitty parenting in these last few months. I try to tell you that your inconsistency has fucked me up and what do you say "it's hard for me too :(" it's not just FUCKING hard for me mom. I can't be comfortable in my own fucking house because I literally never know if you are going to be angry with every single thing I'm doing or take me out for fucking ice cream. I am constantly on edge. I run out of the kitchen when the garage door opens, I hide in a corner of my room when you come downstairs. The only time I'm fucking comfortable is when you're not fucking home. You're so upset that I don't know how to budget money even though I've never fucking done it before so I shouldn't know how to budget. How about you buy the fucking groceries, how about you don't try to shove me prematurely into adult hood when I'm 17 and still living at home. Oh, it's too hard for you? Isn't everything just soooooo hard for you. Nothing could possibly be hard for me. You don't stand your ground with your kid and try to defend your shitty actions that i am trying to tell you have had a deep and scaring fucking psychological impact on me. You don't tell your kid that what's ruined my self confidence and my ability to be in the world without hating myself for not knowing what to do before I should is "hard for you" I don't fucking care. You say you're trying to budget money and yet you want me to take more expensive voice lessons and all this other bull shit and I just fucking hate you and I cannot wait to get out of this house out from under your itchy trigger finger so I can finally breath an independent breath without you shitting down my throat because that breath cost too much.

frvfhph[ jpshwvcf8ef sed8hg uswec8j hjhnsdc9jiuqws9dccfwd9jh bw9ievh jdis91d8cw fdxjiquhcnfucking shit I am so fucking angry and mand and I jsut want to fucking BREAK SOMETHING. FUCK.