Yes. Yes?
Sure why the fuck not. I don't even really have anything spectacular to report, just kind of felt like writing something. The past few days I've been going in to school to work on finishing my painting that I'm doing of a little lolita cat. It's really cute, but I'm kind of getting super done with it. I spose that's mostly because I've finished the interesting detail work on the cat and now I'm just doing the back ground. Which I had to re-do because the colour was too similar to the cat's dress. I like the new colour I'm doing, but I just want it to be done and home. I dunno how I'm getting it home either, it won't fit in my car, and I doubt my mum would let me borrow hers for a day. Maybe I can bring a saw in and cut off some of the border that needs to be cut off anyway. I guess I need to prep my arms for that tomorrow then. But hey, I want some more upper body strength anyway so it'll be good in the long run.
Ummmmm. Trey's still a douche, gonna try to build up a bit of dislike for him so I can have a healthier distance. Man that seems really fucked up when I put it like that. It's kind of sad that that's how my brain works with people, I'm either borderline obsessed with them or I have to find some reason to hate their guts. Maybe I really am a Yandere (Cute on the outside, crazy and obsessive on the inside)
My mom's boyfriend of three or four years broke up with her the other morning. She kind of took out some of her pain on me. I deserved some of it, I had things that she had asked me to do, but I'd not done them yet. But she said that I only cared about myself. And that it wasn't my depression keeping me from doing things anymore. I mean, part of me really just didn't feel like doing things, but I think she was really mean about the way she put it. She has such a huge desire to mold her kids into her image of a perfect adult that she can't handle the reality that she's raised a pair of self-serving, vain, lethargic, sometimes cruel, generally fucked up kids. But that's what you get when your parenting is inconsistent, varying between wrathfully strict and lovingly light handed. I've learned to fear her, to be wary of her, and most of all to ignore her until her mood changes. She's trying so hard to cram an entire childhood's life lessons into a few months and all it's doing is making me want more and more to be out from under her smothering thumb and on my own.
I'm pretty sure the prozac isn't going to help me. Honestly at the moment I feel like I should just learn some coping mechanisms and get off medication if I can help it. I know I have depression, but what if I'm just an angry, sad person normally? That's kind of how it feels.
I'm feeling majorly light headed, so I'm gonna go maybe lay down or drink some water out in my garden or something. Fuck.
Sure why the fuck not. I don't even really have anything spectacular to report, just kind of felt like writing something. The past few days I've been going in to school to work on finishing my painting that I'm doing of a little lolita cat. It's really cute, but I'm kind of getting super done with it. I spose that's mostly because I've finished the interesting detail work on the cat and now I'm just doing the back ground. Which I had to re-do because the colour was too similar to the cat's dress. I like the new colour I'm doing, but I just want it to be done and home. I dunno how I'm getting it home either, it won't fit in my car, and I doubt my mum would let me borrow hers for a day. Maybe I can bring a saw in and cut off some of the border that needs to be cut off anyway. I guess I need to prep my arms for that tomorrow then. But hey, I want some more upper body strength anyway so it'll be good in the long run.
Ummmmm. Trey's still a douche, gonna try to build up a bit of dislike for him so I can have a healthier distance. Man that seems really fucked up when I put it like that. It's kind of sad that that's how my brain works with people, I'm either borderline obsessed with them or I have to find some reason to hate their guts. Maybe I really am a Yandere (Cute on the outside, crazy and obsessive on the inside)
My mom's boyfriend of three or four years broke up with her the other morning. She kind of took out some of her pain on me. I deserved some of it, I had things that she had asked me to do, but I'd not done them yet. But she said that I only cared about myself. And that it wasn't my depression keeping me from doing things anymore. I mean, part of me really just didn't feel like doing things, but I think she was really mean about the way she put it. She has such a huge desire to mold her kids into her image of a perfect adult that she can't handle the reality that she's raised a pair of self-serving, vain, lethargic, sometimes cruel, generally fucked up kids. But that's what you get when your parenting is inconsistent, varying between wrathfully strict and lovingly light handed. I've learned to fear her, to be wary of her, and most of all to ignore her until her mood changes. She's trying so hard to cram an entire childhood's life lessons into a few months and all it's doing is making me want more and more to be out from under her smothering thumb and on my own.
I'm pretty sure the prozac isn't going to help me. Honestly at the moment I feel like I should just learn some coping mechanisms and get off medication if I can help it. I know I have depression, but what if I'm just an angry, sad person normally? That's kind of how it feels.
I'm feeling majorly light headed, so I'm gonna go maybe lay down or drink some water out in my garden or something. Fuck.
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