Well I found my motivator. Sex. Woops. Anyway the past few days were adequate. Cleaned my room. started on laundry. Had a small delay in plans but max came over today and that was great. After I dropped him off I went and chilled with Scout. I watched her play sky rim which was cool. She has a cold though which is not cool ;3; I hope she gets better soon~
Then I cam e home, Ordered some pizza I'm waiting on tumbl'd a bit. Then my Aunt Collet messages me. Dear. Fucking. God. I can't even begin to talk about all the things that are enraging with this conversation. At first it seems like a fine, normal conversation, she wishes me a happy graduation. Then it all goes down from there. The way she types is so painfully incoherent it takes me a full minute, if not longer to decipher what the hell she's trying to say and she uses ellipses in place of commas and half her spaces and some of her words. I can't even believe a grown woman in her fifties writes that poorly. Next of course comes the inevitable. Seeing as she is a part of my dad's side of the family, she has to admonish me for not contacting her. I tell her three separate times that it's hard for me to reach out to people and she completely ignores it. That just pisses me off because I am sick and tired of being told by grown-ass adults that I have to be the one to call them. Every. Single. Fucking. Person. In that family. Cannot even begin to comprehend the fact that a teenager, and pre-teenager, and child, does not have the mental capacity to keep involved in family circles. Yanno why I talk to my Grandma on my mom's side all the time? She calls. All the time. Just whenever. I chit chat, she tells me about her day, what's going on at her church and with her friends and then I tell her a bit about what's going on with me, if there is anything and it's great. But they just have to treat me like I have my shit together and can therefore be the carrier of our relationships. So yeah. I'm pissed. Because they can't seem to understand that popping up ever few months and complaining to me about how I never call them is going to make me call them. It just makes me angry, and that makes me want to call them even less, because I know when I do they'll just send me on a another guilt trip.
Woop and then she says "come hang out that's my invitation...surprisise us!!!" Did you not. Just hear. What I told you. I AM NOT GOOD AT REACHING OUT TO PEOPLE. I am a teenager about to go onto summer break. You are an adult who works as a flight attendant and therefore you have crazy fucking hours. YOU. CALL. ME. WHEN YOU ARE FREE. And I will try my fucking hardest to call you too. I always try. But I just can't. I hate calling you people. You're great when you aren't bitching at me for not being good enough. But I can't subject myself to all that shit voluntarily.
Ugh. No. I am not an adult. I am OBVIOUSLY. NOT. AN ADULT. I can't do this basic bullshit
I can't "prove" that I want to hang out with you, I can't I just fucking can't.
Then I cam e home, Ordered some pizza I'm waiting on tumbl'd a bit. Then my Aunt Collet messages me. Dear. Fucking. God. I can't even begin to talk about all the things that are enraging with this conversation. At first it seems like a fine, normal conversation, she wishes me a happy graduation. Then it all goes down from there. The way she types is so painfully incoherent it takes me a full minute, if not longer to decipher what the hell she's trying to say and she uses ellipses in place of commas and half her spaces and some of her words. I can't even believe a grown woman in her fifties writes that poorly. Next of course comes the inevitable. Seeing as she is a part of my dad's side of the family, she has to admonish me for not contacting her. I tell her three separate times that it's hard for me to reach out to people and she completely ignores it. That just pisses me off because I am sick and tired of being told by grown-ass adults that I have to be the one to call them. Every. Single. Fucking. Person. In that family. Cannot even begin to comprehend the fact that a teenager, and pre-teenager, and child, does not have the mental capacity to keep involved in family circles. Yanno why I talk to my Grandma on my mom's side all the time? She calls. All the time. Just whenever. I chit chat, she tells me about her day, what's going on at her church and with her friends and then I tell her a bit about what's going on with me, if there is anything and it's great. But they just have to treat me like I have my shit together and can therefore be the carrier of our relationships. So yeah. I'm pissed. Because they can't seem to understand that popping up ever few months and complaining to me about how I never call them is going to make me call them. It just makes me angry, and that makes me want to call them even less, because I know when I do they'll just send me on a another guilt trip.
Woop and then she says "come hang out that's my invitation...surprisise us!!!" Did you not. Just hear. What I told you. I AM NOT GOOD AT REACHING OUT TO PEOPLE. I am a teenager about to go onto summer break. You are an adult who works as a flight attendant and therefore you have crazy fucking hours. YOU. CALL. ME. WHEN YOU ARE FREE. And I will try my fucking hardest to call you too. I always try. But I just can't. I hate calling you people. You're great when you aren't bitching at me for not being good enough. But I can't subject myself to all that shit voluntarily.
Ugh. No. I am not an adult. I am OBVIOUSLY. NOT. AN ADULT. I can't do this basic bullshit
I can't "prove" that I want to hang out with you, I can't I just fucking can't.
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