Balls

Good balls though, I promise. Not really any actually, that just felt right for a title, yanno? In any case it's finally spring break and right on cue it's snowing. But I don't even care, I'm just glad to have so time off. I hung out with Patrick, Brent, Alex, and Chris after school. We went and smoked and I swear to cripes I've never been that high and I smoke a quarter of what  they did. We went to eat at this awesome asian restaurant, and after that I was pretty cleared up and I went home to pass out for a few hours. Hopefully Scooter can chill after the concert he's at. Oh also, Brent wants to go on a date (???) before I leave for SF. He said nothing romantic, so I'm approaching it with caution and hoping it's just well intents and nothing creepy. I'll probably hang out with his friends a few more times before summer anyway, seeing as Patrick is a cool motherfucker.
Not too much has gone on this week since Monday really, and I already talked about that. I've got some points to start on that letter to my dad, so I think I'm gonna do that tomorrow, finally. I feel shitty for making him wait like I had to.
So yeah, just checking in and junk. Maybe I'll go clean my room. I don't really want to, but it's getting pretty questionable. I could at least empty my trash and clear out the plates, stuff my petticoats in the closet and what not.

Bluh I smell like smoke. Ugh. Only downside, those guys smoke like fucking chimneys. 

And I was Doing so Well

I was emailing my college to register, finishing applications, getting pumped to draw some more, and hang out with people.
But then no one replies. They just look at the message and put away their phones. I'm trying not to blame myself for being obnoxious and needy. I'm trying to see the other possibilities like my therapist tells me to. But I still feel like shit anyway~ I just want to spend time with people I care about.


I was hoping to get some food but I think I'll just go sit in an uncomfortable corner and try not to cry~

Update Yo

So yeah. Life's been keepin' on. Mostly I'm just ignoring all the things I should be doing in favour of less important things/internet junk. Also this blanket fort is the shit and I'm just gonna end up living in here forever. Partyin' hard.

Uhm specific stuff that's gone down.

I hung out with Scout on tuesday or wednesday and she did my hair~ It's totally sweet, all green and purple and blue and red and junk. I need to take pictures of it but I'm a lazy butt.

Then I hung out with Scooter and Eliseo annnnnnnd I finally got with Eliseo. May I just say he has a very splendid member that fits with me quite nicely. 

Though on that note I feel kind of ashamed and stupid for not using condoms very much. I'm on birth control and shit, but then I hear people who are on it too still being adamant about condoms and I just feel like a bit of a fuck-up. I just forget about them and shit like STIs when I'm right there with someone. And if a guy does wear one he's fucking with it every five seconds and I've just never had a good experience with them. But I need to start having people use them because when I go to SF it's gonna be way more likely that people have STIs just because it's a huge city. Is it bad that I just prefer to not use them? Probably -3-

I went and got an application for a gardening shop yesterday with my mum. And I was super motivated to fill it out and go and turn it in today, but of course my mum had to crush my motivation the moment I woke up. I come upstairs and am standing there trying to collect myself when she just bursts open about how she's checked parent portal, and I have three Fs and she's going to nag me about it and I just deflated. Sitting outside helped me a bit, but now I'm really just hiding from her down stairs because I now feel unmotivated as well as guilty for wanting to work on my application today, even though she was nagging me about that on friday as well. I want to work on drawing too, but I doubt she'd think that was productive; and I need to get back to the art college but I'm too much of a paranoid fuck to do that. So basically I'm just a stressed useless mess right now. I just want to sink into my couch and not have anyone find me so I can be warm and cozy and happy without any worries.

Werp Flerp

I've not updated in a while, not for lack of doing things though, I suppose I've just not had the motivation. This isn't going to be a chronological entry, so sorry if you were getting used to those. Stream of consciousness ftw.
Right now I'm sitting inside this totally bad-ass blanket fort that Jude and I made. Since my mom was gone most of this week she was over to hang out and be around so I wouldn't go crazy with loneliness being all on my own. It was actually really awesome to just chill and chat with her. It makes me less afraid to go to SF, because she'll be there. We had a lot of time to hang out too, seeing as we're on a testing schedule for the underclassmen. I go to school for two hours and then the rest of the day is free to do whatever. I slept a lot. But on Tuesday I went to see a concert with Scooter. It was like, 7 death core/screamo/whatever bands and quite a few of them I actually enjoyed very much .o. One, Famous Last Words, I even got a t-shirt for, and also a pin :3 It was a really fun evening, and I got to talk to a lot of band members and new humans~ I also spent wayyyy too much money but whatevers. The next day I hung out with Jude and Kevin, and then just Jude again while I tried to write an essay. I didn't get much done ;3; I've just been too tired this week for proper thinking.
I got a letter from my Dad. Like in my dream he'd been to afraid that it wouldn't be perfect to send it. It's a very pointed letter. I didn't really have any emotion after reading it. I need to write a reply soon, but I've kind of forgotten all the things we talked about at my therapy. I just don't know where to go. I guess he left questions for  me to answer. But I don't have any questions that I can think of... I guess that's what's really holding me back. I'll figure something out.
I want to see Scout really bad, I miss the shit out of her.

Ahm gonna draw more sad vampire girls now.