Woops, so my anti-depressants have insomnia as a side affect. It's pretty bad, just for the sake that I'm really lame when it comes to missing sleep, so I get mixed up and confused easily. Though to be completely honest I was the most worried about losing the ability to orgasm. I have my priorities in impeccable order, I know.
I did get depressed on new years, but that's just normal for me. I've always envisioned this magical, fun party. Streamers, bubbling drinks, lights, excitement and laughter, ringing in the new year with a glorious bang. Of course this has never been the case, my new years have always been pretty quiet, so I've always been a little disappointed. But one day I'll go to New York, to Times Square and watch the ball drop with all those people and all that energy. I can only hope that it will be the thrill I'm searching for. However my New Years wasn't spent alone, I met up with Scout and one of her new friends. I'll admit when she described him as a "punk" I was very excited. It turned out he was just a pretty normal dude who listens to some punk music, but I think mostly pop punk and some classic stuff. If I had a better memory for band names and shit I'd be such a music snob. I can't help it, I love gritty, low-fi, obscure shit that's hard as I can find. I like my music with a healthy dose of skull-fucking. (Though I've been on a dream-pop/folk/ambient drone kick of late, in an attempt to sooth myself to sleep I guess)
Sorry this has been so disjointed, but another weird thing. Suddenly guys are finding me attractive and people are telling me I'm like... hot and stuff?? It's really weird because I've built up this self-image of being pretty average and not very interesting to talk to, but suddenly I have people telling me I'm cool and expressing romantic interest in me and I don't know what to do with it. I can tell when they're hitting on me and I just slowly get more and more flustered and confused. This one kid asked if he could be my boyfriend (over facebook mind you) and I just kind of freaked out and didn't reply for a long time. Of course when I did I said we should probably meet in person fist. But, now I don't want to talk to him, and he just kind of keeps messaging me hello and I ignore him half the time because I can't handle earnest affection. When I do reply he doesn't even ever say anything in return, and it's just super uncomfortable. And then some random friend of Max's friended me and we chatted and he said I was a mega babe and I panicked harder than anyone has ever panicked before. He's got some sweet-ass tattoos and the huge pop-can gauges. So seems cool. But still. What.
I did get depressed on new years, but that's just normal for me. I've always envisioned this magical, fun party. Streamers, bubbling drinks, lights, excitement and laughter, ringing in the new year with a glorious bang. Of course this has never been the case, my new years have always been pretty quiet, so I've always been a little disappointed. But one day I'll go to New York, to Times Square and watch the ball drop with all those people and all that energy. I can only hope that it will be the thrill I'm searching for. However my New Years wasn't spent alone, I met up with Scout and one of her new friends. I'll admit when she described him as a "punk" I was very excited. It turned out he was just a pretty normal dude who listens to some punk music, but I think mostly pop punk and some classic stuff. If I had a better memory for band names and shit I'd be such a music snob. I can't help it, I love gritty, low-fi, obscure shit that's hard as I can find. I like my music with a healthy dose of skull-fucking. (Though I've been on a dream-pop/folk/ambient drone kick of late, in an attempt to sooth myself to sleep I guess)
Sorry this has been so disjointed, but another weird thing. Suddenly guys are finding me attractive and people are telling me I'm like... hot and stuff?? It's really weird because I've built up this self-image of being pretty average and not very interesting to talk to, but suddenly I have people telling me I'm cool and expressing romantic interest in me and I don't know what to do with it. I can tell when they're hitting on me and I just slowly get more and more flustered and confused. This one kid asked if he could be my boyfriend (over facebook mind you) and I just kind of freaked out and didn't reply for a long time. Of course when I did I said we should probably meet in person fist. But, now I don't want to talk to him, and he just kind of keeps messaging me hello and I ignore him half the time because I can't handle earnest affection. When I do reply he doesn't even ever say anything in return, and it's just super uncomfortable. And then some random friend of Max's friended me and we chatted and he said I was a mega babe and I panicked harder than anyone has ever panicked before. He's got some sweet-ass tattoos and the huge pop-can gauges. So seems cool. But still. What.
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