I swear it feels like I'm under the influence of something I cried so hard earlier. Kinda loopy, in a really dangerous way. I can feel myself teetering on a really fine line.
I feel like I should do some cleaning today so that when my mom gets home tomorrow she doesn't have that to freak out about as well as the new hole I put in the wall earlier.
Don't get attached to me, because I can guarantee you I will get about 200% more attached to you and make every one of your problems my problem and I just can't handle getting my heart ripped out because you don't want my concern.
I certainly felt like something got ripped out. Though, in the heat of the moment it felt more like my mind. It was wiped clean and all there was inside of me was loud sobs and they wideness of my eyes. So wide, staring through my arms and my fingers, wildly afraid, searching for danger as I broke into my moment of exquisite pain. The cuts of depression and sadness run even deeper when you've been happy for a while. It was all I could do to lay on the floor and occasionally clear my airways of thick clotted saliva so I didn't suffocate.
I have no control, but it is the most beautiful thing that I can experience such wild and powerful and violent emotions and let them run through me, rack me, and accept it, and let it slide away underneath my consciousness. I am a stone subjected to the water's currents. I will not be ground to sand. I will let the waves cradle me, smooth me, and wash me up to shore. I don't care, because I can be serene more often than I am wounded. I don't care and it's beautiful. In this moment, it's all I feel is true.
I feel like I should do some cleaning today so that when my mom gets home tomorrow she doesn't have that to freak out about as well as the new hole I put in the wall earlier.
Don't get attached to me, because I can guarantee you I will get about 200% more attached to you and make every one of your problems my problem and I just can't handle getting my heart ripped out because you don't want my concern.
I certainly felt like something got ripped out. Though, in the heat of the moment it felt more like my mind. It was wiped clean and all there was inside of me was loud sobs and they wideness of my eyes. So wide, staring through my arms and my fingers, wildly afraid, searching for danger as I broke into my moment of exquisite pain. The cuts of depression and sadness run even deeper when you've been happy for a while. It was all I could do to lay on the floor and occasionally clear my airways of thick clotted saliva so I didn't suffocate.
I have no control, but it is the most beautiful thing that I can experience such wild and powerful and violent emotions and let them run through me, rack me, and accept it, and let it slide away underneath my consciousness. I am a stone subjected to the water's currents. I will not be ground to sand. I will let the waves cradle me, smooth me, and wash me up to shore. I don't care, because I can be serene more often than I am wounded. I don't care and it's beautiful. In this moment, it's all I feel is true.
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