Life is Scary

My senior pictures are being taken tomorrow, I'm really excited about the location and everything like that, but it's really scary to think about them too hard. I'm going to be graduating Highschool this year. When did I come to this age, to this time in my life? It's not that I don't feel more mature, or that I've not grown. I've grown in many subtle ways, slowly I'm gaining confidence in my social aptitude, in my sexuality, in my self. But... I just don't want for my early life to end. I want for the lazy days and the easy, care-free times to run on into infinity, but I know that's not possible for me. I have crippling doubt about my aptitude to pursue the career I want, about my ability, about my choices, about myself. I'm not sure how I'll feel about myself from one day to the next. There are times when I am wholly confident in every thing I do and want to do. Yet, more often than not there are times when I wish that I had some sensible talent that lacked so much uncertainty, and required so much skill. I want to be someone amazing, but I'm just not sure if I can, and what will happen if such is the case. And the approaching threat of looking at future options, graduating, and going to college (hopefully) is only increasing these doubts. I feel I could be smart, and well-spoken, and good at art, if only I would put in the effort. But trying is scary, because if you try, you can fail. If I don't try, I'll still fail, but maybe it won't be quite as loud if I just sit in the dark and ignore it all.