Just haven't felt the need to use you for a while. Blame tumblr -3-
I'm pretty happy with my summer so far. I've actually been DOING things. Hanging out with Scout and Arianna and even Sammy. Of course, I still spend hours and hours on the internet, but that's just my bag, man. Scout has been having a hard time though, and I've been trying to be there for her, but I just don't know how to be there, or where the line between being concerned about your best friend and being an overprotective, smothering unrequited lover lies. I'm not sure, but I hope I can accomplish something. Thankfully the slightly awkward tension between us has passed. I think it's because I was finally able to lose some of the expectation and intensity behind my feelings for her. They're still there, I still think she's beautiful, and kind to those who matter with a delicious streak of "Fuck off" those who don't. I still want to hold her close to me and treat her like the goddess she is. But these thoughts and needs no longer consume my vision of her I feel. The playful flirting which keeps me in check has returned, and we have slid into a sense of comfort. I'm glad we did, because she's still my best friend.
In the line of friendship. Last night I went over to Sammy's house for the first time in a very long time. We sat and watched movies until midnight, when I figured I'd better get going, for fear of not wanting to drive home at two am or something. It was really quite fun, we still can talk and hang around each other. That childhood friendship has carried into the muddy waters of teenaged years. It's really wonderful how a past like that can carry into the present. Even Katie and I, diametric opposites, still manage to talk and to get along. I guess I'm better at people than I give myself credit for. Now if only I could find a way to be good at flirting -3-
In any case, all is well in Fort Luer. I need to go write fake and real letters to my dad, because it's been a year and I'm tired of this "when you're ready" bullshit, and I hope I can get him to understand why he can't expect me to be the perfect communicator. Yup.
I'm pretty happy with my summer so far. I've actually been DOING things. Hanging out with Scout and Arianna and even Sammy. Of course, I still spend hours and hours on the internet, but that's just my bag, man. Scout has been having a hard time though, and I've been trying to be there for her, but I just don't know how to be there, or where the line between being concerned about your best friend and being an overprotective, smothering unrequited lover lies. I'm not sure, but I hope I can accomplish something. Thankfully the slightly awkward tension between us has passed. I think it's because I was finally able to lose some of the expectation and intensity behind my feelings for her. They're still there, I still think she's beautiful, and kind to those who matter with a delicious streak of "Fuck off" those who don't. I still want to hold her close to me and treat her like the goddess she is. But these thoughts and needs no longer consume my vision of her I feel. The playful flirting which keeps me in check has returned, and we have slid into a sense of comfort. I'm glad we did, because she's still my best friend.
In the line of friendship. Last night I went over to Sammy's house for the first time in a very long time. We sat and watched movies until midnight, when I figured I'd better get going, for fear of not wanting to drive home at two am or something. It was really quite fun, we still can talk and hang around each other. That childhood friendship has carried into the muddy waters of teenaged years. It's really wonderful how a past like that can carry into the present. Even Katie and I, diametric opposites, still manage to talk and to get along. I guess I'm better at people than I give myself credit for. Now if only I could find a way to be good at flirting -3-
In any case, all is well in Fort Luer. I need to go write fake and real letters to my dad, because it's been a year and I'm tired of this "when you're ready" bullshit, and I hope I can get him to understand why he can't expect me to be the perfect communicator. Yup.
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