How deliciously ironic, my therapy is actually causing me more problems then I had before. But of course, we already know my life is full of delicious irony, fit to bursting one could say. I think I've already touched on my mom making me go to therapy, not sure if I've mentioned that she finally went through with that... promise. But in any case, she has, and I've been two times. I don't so much mind talking to someone about my stress or my issues, it's nice to just be listened to, but it's not just that. My mother is dictating what we talk mostly on, even sits in on half of the "session." It seems terribly like her just fulfilling her own needs, erasing her own guilt by attempting to put me in a psychological quick-fix while methodically sabotaging the whole thing back at home. Before going to therapy she rubbed my nose in my grades and commented loudly to Dave that "one kid doesn't have a job and the other is flunking highschool." Which of course just gave me the warm fuzzies, and put me in the mood to go talk through my problems.
So, therapy currently isn't ideal for me. I was talking with Scout about this, before school. During our conversation Kelsey came along. I filled her in that I was reluctant to go to therapy, because my mother's forcing me. This must secretly be an enormous trigger for her, because she went in to her standard defensive-as-fuck mode, trying to simultaneously tell me how fantastic her therapy was, and tell me off for not jumping for joy about getting my brain picked and turned over to the last person I want seeing it. After school it came up again, evoking the same ridiculously defensive response. I would understand if I had gone up to Kelsey, unprovoked and told her, "therapy is stupid and you're stupid for liking it" and she had the same reaction, but my complaints about therapy aren't even directed towards her, aren't even remotely about her. And now it seems like I've done something to horribly offend her, and she's not talked to me for two days. Hell, she's fucking avoided me, looked me straight in the eye and walked on with burning fucking hate and contempt in her eyes. And you know what? If her and kat want to have their stupid little pity party full of insecurity, shallow friendships, and stubborn silence they can go and have it. But you know what? I'm not just going to let this fly past me in the wind like a scrap of dingy plastic bag, this happens far too often for it to just go ignored. Kelsey doesn't get to walk on my feelings like this, who cares if this is just some fucking friendship out of obligation to her, I care about her, and I don't want to not be friends with her anymore, there at least had better a goddamned good reason for all this.
In any case, I also might be getting shoved out of doing the logo design/shirts for GSA. Generally, excepting the parts where Brent's involved, this week has really fucking sucked.
I'll probably read and balete this later, so uhm... read it while it's hot or whatever.
So, therapy currently isn't ideal for me. I was talking with Scout about this, before school. During our conversation Kelsey came along. I filled her in that I was reluctant to go to therapy, because my mother's forcing me. This must secretly be an enormous trigger for her, because she went in to her standard defensive-as-fuck mode, trying to simultaneously tell me how fantastic her therapy was, and tell me off for not jumping for joy about getting my brain picked and turned over to the last person I want seeing it. After school it came up again, evoking the same ridiculously defensive response. I would understand if I had gone up to Kelsey, unprovoked and told her, "therapy is stupid and you're stupid for liking it" and she had the same reaction, but my complaints about therapy aren't even directed towards her, aren't even remotely about her. And now it seems like I've done something to horribly offend her, and she's not talked to me for two days. Hell, she's fucking avoided me, looked me straight in the eye and walked on with burning fucking hate and contempt in her eyes. And you know what? If her and kat want to have their stupid little pity party full of insecurity, shallow friendships, and stubborn silence they can go and have it. But you know what? I'm not just going to let this fly past me in the wind like a scrap of dingy plastic bag, this happens far too often for it to just go ignored. Kelsey doesn't get to walk on my feelings like this, who cares if this is just some fucking friendship out of obligation to her, I care about her, and I don't want to not be friends with her anymore, there at least had better a goddamned good reason for all this.
In any case, I also might be getting shoved out of doing the logo design/shirts for GSA. Generally, excepting the parts where Brent's involved, this week has really fucking sucked.
I'll probably read and balete this later, so uhm... read it while it's hot or whatever.
No comments:
Post a Comment