So I think I can finally write down what's going on without getting all soul search-ey and regretful. So, about a week ago, Nic and I finally got together. It was wonderful, he came walking up and I ran out to hug him and we stood there for a good ten minutes hugging and kissing, so happy just to be together again. We finally went inside, because he didn't want to scare the neighbors. Inside we talked and he gave me a shirt, a copy of hamtaro, and some silly bands. (more about the shirt later) We get down to my room and just cuddle and talk, and one thing leads to another. I still never really touched him though. And then I think we ate and talked more. Then I come to find out that he might be staying in colorado. I am excited, really, really excited. I think something else might have happened, but then we get to going to bed, Nic was super tired. He then tells me that there's a catch to him staying in colorado, he can't have a partner, any kind of partner regardless of gender. Yet I still think it might have had something to do with me being a girl, though I thought his parents were okay with that sort of thing... In any case we just held each other all night waking up every once in a while and talking a bit then sleeping more. He was saying so many things about not wanting to leave me, and how he couldn't imagine people thinking this wasn't real, all I could do was hold onto him tighter, I don't trust my words in situations like that. We finally got up and ate breakfast and just laid and talked more. He asked me "are you going to change your status" all I could say was that I didn't know. When he finally left it was... it was straight out of a movie. We stood on my porch, it was sunny and beautiful outside an hugged more whispering about not wanting to leave. He told me to try not to cry, he must have seen them threatening to spill over. And then... he walked away. And I guess that's the end of that. I don't want it to be, at all. Of course, when he was out of sight I went inside and I cried. It was soft and it went of for a while. But there wasn't any pillow sobbing, just sitting and being shell-shocked and thinking of all the things I wish I could have done. I thought maybe that wasn't the end. But he hasn't reached out to me, and he took himself out of a relationship on facebook, which makes me uncomfortable. That our relationship depends on a scrap of text on the internet. So I guess that is the end of it.
The other day I took out the shirt he gave me, it smelled like him and I almost started crying again. But that was a while back, and I think I'm getting better. I'm keeping busy and keeping my mind off it.
That isn't too hard, a lot has been going on. Today was my last day of work, the rest of the week before school starts will be devoted to summer homework. Also, my babydoll cosplay is coming along well. I just need for my mum to finish sewing things. Also the katana I'm carving is going well, I just painted it, and it looks decent. Uhm. I'm really tired now, so I'm going to bed.
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