Sweet mother of...

I don't I've ever been so tired in my life. I am sleep deprived, socially drained, physically exhausted, and on top of all that I'm also sick. Thank god Dave convinced my mum to let me stay home today. Though now I have the pleasure of listening to Jude and Kevin bang away on the keyboard while stoned of their tits. It's.... interesting. 
Anywho, the reason I'm so worn out is the Musical. Thank god it's finally over. I mean, I had fun doing it but I'm just not used to a lot of the aspects involved with doing some thing like that. All the dancing was really fun but wore me our more than I think I realized. And then memorizing everything and conveying expressions and such. For the last two weeks we were there until 8 or 9 every night, if not later. But I think the part that wore me out the most was all the FREAKING DRAMA. Dear lord you have never seen drama until you've seen 30 or so girls in an enclosed space for two months. Everyone was talking shit about everyone else, by being the quiet girl in the background no-one really notices I learned who takes it up the bum to keep her "virginity" who held out on their boyfriend for a month, who's had traumatic experiences in their life, who's a lazy bitch, who used to be cool, who's a suck up, who isn't worthy of the part they received and so much other bull shit my brain can't even function. The best part was, one minute a girl would be talking shit about some other girl behind her back and the next they would be Bestest Friends Forever. I'm sure this sort of thing is really un-suprising to a lot of people, but you have to understand, the most drama I've been exposed to recently was that whole Kendra shebang, and that wasn't even that drama-tastic we didn't like being around someone, so we stopped being around her, simple as that. So I'm not used to the kinds of relationships where you kind of hate but kind of like the person. It was all just really new and really weird to me, and I'm glad that that doesn't happen too much with my friends. (I don't doubt they bitch about me sometimes, I'd be surprised if they didn't, but I'd like to think they don't spread rumors about me, or if they do, they're all true rumors at least) It just wasn't very fun at all. Like I said, I like the preforming aspect of musicals, but not very much at all the social aspect.
Uhmmm other than the musical I hung out with Scout on friday and it was supar fun, I finally got to watch Moulin Rouge, which was rather depressing, but good. Then I went to church again. Waaaaaaat? But it was pretty fun even though it was a lot of planning for the future, I'm not sure if I'd really get into it in the religious aspect, but in more a social sense. I dunno, I'll see where it goes.
After church scout and I hung out again, we went to a fantastic mexican restaurant dressed in loli. (I borrowed some of hers) It was a ton of fun. Since we walked there tons of cars honked at us and such X3 After lunch Scout taught me some more about Loli, since all the knowledge I have is pretty basic. I decided I'd be more into classic or gothic and then scout helped me find some super cute outfits, but I'm not sure if I'm going to get all of them, but I might get one or two. Not sure still, I'll have to double check the other things I still want to get off of the intarwebz. Once my mum lets me back onto my computer (I'm on her laptop right now) I'll re-look over the things I want and settle prices. I have a $250 shopping spree on the internet and the loli Scout showed me costs $187 (for two skirts, a couple socks, some hair accessories, one shirt, a pair of shoes, and a dress. All from Bodyline) I might cut either a skirt or the dress, depending on what else I want. Also I might look for shoes from a place other than online, just because I have super wide feet. But Scout's shoes almost fit me, they're just a pinch tight, so maybe I'll give it a go. 
Well I think I've rambled about everything I wanted to ramble about. I'm going to go look at clothes and things now.

Holyohmygoodness

FINALLY this Kendra thing seems to finally be getting resolved, I mean oh my goodness, how much drama has this girl caused me in the past two years? First there was the whole crush thing then the whole annoying as hecks thing, and the the avoiding deal. But I finally manned up and told her what was what. Though I am making myself sound more confident than I actually was. What happened was she messaged me on gaia, and I'll just post the whole exchange here:
Kendra: There's something different between us as of late. What seems to be the matter?

Me: To be completely honest with you, Kendra, I am tired of being around you. You are more often then not, negative, and when you aren't negative you're often obnoxious; talking about how obscure your japanese music is, or how lame people who show interest in your art are. And I simply didn't want to deal with it any more. You won't let anyone help you with your problems, no matter how many helpful suggestions they make. You obviously are extremely insecure and dislike yourself, yet you are constantly dragging your personal life into the spot-light. I mentioned having sushi for dinner and you go on a rant about how terrible your mother is. I'm not going to tell you what your home-life is like, because I don't know, but your constant "My Life is Worse Than Your's" game gets very old, very fast.
Not to mention the emotional game you played with me early on in our "relationship." I'd being lying if I said I didn't once have very strong feelings for you. But you let your parents and lord knows what else keep you from anything more then flirting, and that hurt me deeply. Any feelings I once had for you are now gone, know that. It took me a long time to move on, but I'm glad I did. So, yes, something has changed between us. I don't want to continue any sort of connection with you, but I've been unable to put it into words at school. Though it's not my place to say so, Scout and I have been talking and she feels the same way. If you feel you need more closure or more reasons than given here, feel free to confront me, or Scout at school and I will do my best to clarify exactly how I feel.&I don't wish you any harm or sadness, I just no longer wish to be connected with you.

Kendra: Thank you for being honest with me, Ali.
I don't expect to make you rethink anything, but I honestly didn't know that I hurt you. I am blind to things a lot, it seems. And for that, I am truly sorry. I am not asking for forgiveness, I just want you to know that I never intended to hurt you. I wasn't trying to play a game. I didn't even know that your feelings for me were that strong for me, honestly, although I should've picked up on it, looking back. I still care for you, Ali. You're wonderful. And if not wanting to be connected with me is what you want, then I'll cater to your wish. I want you to be happy. I was wrong and stupid, Ali. I don't want to "confront" you, as you said. You've done nothing wrong. I just think this would've gone more smoothly had you been more up-front about it. But as I have said, I am glad that you were completely honest with me. Thank you and I'm sorry.
~~~
So that's all that. She hasn't talked to me at school, which has been pleasant, but despite my mentioning Scout, Kendra doesn't seem to understand that she (scout) doesn't want her around either. I think the only thing for it for Scout to make her boundaries clear as well, but I can understand why she hasn't yet. Being cold is difficult, especially for people like her and I who aren't used to being forceful. .3.
Oh and a few of the lines in Kendra's reply pissed me off... like the whole "you've done nothing wrong" bit. Because of course I haven't done anything wrong and I don't need you telling me that. It almost seems like she's trying to make herself seem... "holier than thou"which is a laughable term considering she used to tell us that she's really an angel; she spewed all this bull about cults and worshiping things and re-birth or someshit like that. Honestly I think she made the whole thing up because she can't stand to think that she might actually be just a normal teenage girl, and that her parents aren't really her parents, her life that she's living isn't her only reality, that she's something beyond this world, beyond humanity. Like in Martian Boy, if you ever saw/read it. The little orphan kid pretends he's an alien because being an orphan sucks. (I would imagine)
Ugh. But hopefully that's the last you'll ever have to read about her. On to other stuff.
State testing is finally over, which means real life is going to start punching me in the face again. I couldn't keep any of the long-term assignments we had over testing in my head so there are a handful of zeros to toss onto the pile. My few good grades are getting worse because of one or two assignments that  I completely forgot about, but I've beaten the dead horse that is my inaptitude for school quite a bit, so I think I'll leave it be for a while.
Rehearsal for Fiorello has been going well, aside from all of the crazy amounts of drama and Jared somehow thinking that being within punching radius is okay now. He better watch the frack out, because so help me if he tries anything, anything at ALL, I'll finally kick a guy in the nads. Or at least I'll slap the shite out of him.... goddamn creeper.
SO hooray for life and stuff.