Despite my new "Help my child be less of a failure in school" therapist that my mum decided I should start seeing, my zeal for doing homework is even lower than before. In fact, there are several large projects that I should probably be working on instead of writing a blog post, but I'm just so off-put by the idea of doing homework that I can't bring myself to put in some serious work on them. And my therapist has given me no ideas on how to mentally get myself going. All she's told me are the things I've heard before. Manage my time more wisely. Be more organized. Write your homework down. Well golly gee those would work, if I could just put forth the effort and actually do them. It's not even the computer that's the problem, if I have to be off the computer I'll pick up a book, or a drawing or maybe I'll write something. Basically until I decide I'm going to change, I'm probably won't. And I doubt that I'll be changing my mind anytime soon, because despite their pointlessness in the long run, there is a lot of stupid shit for me to occupy myself with.
Uhm in other news I had a glorious moment of clarity in school today and mixed up today's schedule with tomorrow's. (There were snow days the past two days and so our days got all mixed around and such.) I thought I had first lunch, like most wednesdays. SOmehow it made sence in my mind. So off I go to lunch, which I get and I sit down and notice that no one is there, this for some stupid reason doesn't set off a bell in my head. About thirty minutes into lunch with me sitting there like an idiot and wondering why all these people have the same lunch as me that I didn't know about I realize I must have gone to the wrong lunch. This is not the first time this has happened to me. In fact this has already happened at the beginning of the school year. Needless to say, I really didn't want to face the humility, however brief, of arriving to class so very late and having to explain why. Besides I am running out of tardies to use in the mornings, and one more in some other class is the last thing I need. (We can have 5 tardies before getting detention and 3 unexcused absences) I didn't think I was ever going to need another unexcused period, seeing as I never ditch class (well not anymore...) So of going through all of that, I just skipped math. I went to the library and read gothic horror stories for about an hour and then went to art. Good end of the day. I even had a pleasant rehearsal, and helped kelsey and some other guy organize the props closet until my mum could pick me up.
Though that started the downward spiral of my day. When I get in the car my mother informs me that my brother's gotten in a car crash. He didn't get hurt but the car did. We of course go driving straight to where he is, and my mum starts bitching about Jude not being sorry enough and wanting to see his boyfriend instead of being more sorry about the car. I of course think she has no right to be getting mad at Jude for not getting upset about the right things. But, I don't say this out loud because I try to keep my teenage snarkiness in check around my mom. Then my mom starts going off on me about how she knows I lie to her about getting school work done and I lose my head a bit and explain to her why a bit harshly, so she stops talking like she always does when anything gets "too heated" for her. We pick up Jude and he is a mess emotionally, I felt so bad for him. Then my mom starts saying all these stupid things like, "Why weren't you driving the jeep? Wreck your own car next time!" the only thing differentiating the statement from yelling was some very brief, very unhelpful laughter. She also asked about how the crash happened so that the air bags went off, and commented how Jude needed to wash his clothes to get the airbag smell off of him. I wanted to yell at her, she was not being kind or motherly in any way. Sure jude fucked up but at least let him get over the initial shock and not be in tears before you start berating him!
And then she bitched about my work some more and got frustrated with the way I was saying things, which was pretty much lacking emotion except for maybe a pinch of resentment, and left again.
So now I'm where I started off talking about. Reluctant to do work that's due tomorrow. Fantastic.
Pardon me while I go slowly chip away at something I don't really care about. 
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