Destruction

It fascinates me that destruction can give someone such a feeling of power. It doesn't even have to be on a large scale, like wiping out cities, or species; Something small, like tearing the edge of a jacket with your own hands can be exhilarating. There's a small reassurance in knowing that no matter how out of control life can seem you still have the power to destroy things. It's almost calming, it gives you a sense of security, like breaking a pencil when you're angry. It grounds you. 

herp derp your wisdom for the day.

:/

I finished reading Allan's archives (the webcomic) and I'm kind of sad. Webcomics are rarely just as good while you wait for updates as when you first read through the whole archives.

Unless the webcomic is ms paint adventures. There is no way in fucking hell I am reading through those archives.

D:<

Plague-Face

Created by Oatmeal

Awwww yeah man. I looked at some of my friends (supposed) times, and only Kelsey's time was longer than mine. Even then only by 9 minutes. Hurrrrr.

Oh, and I'm finally feeling the burn of facial puberty. Cept I'm not actually breaking out, I just got an allergic reaction to the face cleaning pads I was using. Sure, when I try to clean my face, it gets fucked up, but when I don't I have skin as smooth as a fair maiden's hand. Lol I are can has be vain plz?

In other news, I had parent teacher conferences today. My mum made me go with her because my grades could be much better >3< I was dreading it, thinking it was just going to be a night of people telling me how much better I could be doing. Which I don't really like to hear because it's presumptuous and only the tiniest bit motivating, if at all. But that didn't happen too much. All of my teachers were super supportive and such, about helping me remember to do homework. I fukken hate homework. D: It makes me get flustered and confused and like I could be doing so many better things... hurrrr I has issues.

Also, today was a short day and all we had to do was take this "Career Aptitude" or what have you. I'm guessing I'll get arts and psychology studies like I do every other time I take tests like this. *Sigh* doesn't really help me. But oh well, I'll figure that all out eventually I suppose.

Also, after school was over (At like, 11:30. Hellz yeah) I went on a really long walk. Like... super long. I went down to the lake that's by my house and walked around in a dry canal. Which didn't have as much cool stuff as I had hoped. .3. There wasn't anything cool on the beach either, except for this really cool looking fish spine. It was all pearly white and shining. I almost wanted to pick it up, but then I though of creepy flesh eating parasites and decided not to. Also, I saw a whole rotting fish behind a log. It was rather big fish to be rotting behind a log... o3o rotting fish is rotting.

Uhm... and I talked to Matt more. Hurrrr. Also, I have no idea when I'm going to have a birthday party. *sighs* though I got a cool idea, since we have open well sockets or whatever we can change light bulbs really easy. So, I was thinking I could totally have a black light party. :3 MOAR NEON MOAR! Maybe I could convince my mum to let us put down a tarp somewhere so we could splatter-paint each other :3 Yeeeaaaah. Get some skimpeh white clothes and go outside (where it's freezing cold. hurrrr colorado) and then get a bunch of neon paint and go craaaaazzyyyyy. Only problem would be that I'm the only on of my friends who would be... whoreish like that. So. derp. Plan B plz?

Uhm... closing thought: Writing an awesome story , sometimes plague-face is not so bad.

Angry Mom is Angry

And really bad at talking to kids. I thought she had a degree in child psychology? Shouldn't that mean she can make students motivated to do work? All she makes me motivated in doing is physically and mentally abusing myself over how much of a failure I am. It's a good thing I don't bruise easy, or else I would have big palm-heel marks on my fore-head all the time, from how much I hit myself when I can't remember things properly, or forget things all together. Probably not helping the whole terrible memory situation. 

And in the midst of self-loathing there is also a period of feeling the need to run away, it's a very strong need. Now that I have my emergency exit out the basement window, I fancy I might flee more often. And I can get around my neighborhood pretty well now. I guess since I've mastered my block and the park, it's time to branch out to the houses behind and to the side of me. I imagine this will require more trespassing through people's yards and more fence climbing. I need the learn how to climb fences. I need to learn how to run away, if I can't fight. At the very least. But it would be nice to learn how to fight to. Not match-fighting, with rules and poses and shite, but a mix between self-defense and street fighting. And not that pansy step-by-step self defense. Like the self defense catwoman learns in the mini-series where she's a hooker. That seems yanno... useful.

*sigh* I guess I just have a lot of feeling of needing to escape right now. I want to spar with kelsey. Like this one time when I was over at her house and we were running around actually playing make believe for the first time in like... years. And then we got in a play fight and my fighting instincts kicked in when she had me in a hold. It wasn't a very good hold granted, because my elbow was free. And that was all my brain needed to know. Without really thinking I elbowed her almost as hard as I could. It worked, she got off me. I think she actually fell back and doubled over. And kelsey is pretty tough. I mean, she can take round house kicks to the head. If she can do that one would think an elbow wouldn't be too bad.

Urg, I'm getting antsy just writing about being trapped. That's one things I have going for me at least, when I'm in a corner I'll fight like hell to get out of it, no matter who they are. Yaaaaaaay for copious amounts of bottled fury and my incapability to direct it to places other than violeeence! I swear if I weren't so afraid of killing myself I would cut or something. I already kind of do, without breaking skin. For example, I bite the inside of my cheeks or dig my nails into my thumbs when I have a lot of emotion. It's kind of like a leash, so that I don't just flip out. If I were less mellow, I would be a very violent person, I'd be the girl that getting into legit fights and the little kid that would torture small animals when feeling angry or sad. Whatever made me in a perpetually stoned state, I thank it more or less... sometimes. Meh. I suppose I should go embarrass myself with the voice thread some more. *peace symbol*

Has a Lolcat

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

SHo cute X3

Uhmmmmm not much happening today, except that it was space cow-boy day. I was a space-ish saloon girl. I looked pretty pwnsome if I do say so myself. A lot of people liked it :3

Also, Alex was an indian, and he had a "scouter" (half a pair of glasses with green over them) he asked me to ask him what the scouter said about their power level. To which he would reply "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAANNND!!!" And then when he said that some random kid was like "What? Nine thousand?!?" It was very win. Oh and I worked in a group with Matt. Shy boy is shy >3< Sooooo shy. Or afraid. Or generally depressed. :\

herp derp hafta figure out voice thread so Kelsey doesn't killll meeeee.

*rages*

Really? Really all you love-struck bastards? You can't "contain your love" enough to give a fuck about who you're kissing around? Gee thanks. Because people really want to see you making out in the hallways or in front of them at lunch, or across the room when you're doing dishes. Now, don't think that I'm against physical shows of affection, I'm not. But at least I'm considerate of where I preform them, and how intense. Here are my thoughts on the matter:

In front of friends: Hold hands, arm around eachother

In crowded places: Hug, hold hands, small kiss

In front of children: 50's t.v. family stuff nothing more.

Because seriously? I don't care how old your kids are, if you are hanging all over your boyfriend and snogging and giggling, no matter how much your kids jokes around about it, it is NOT something they want to see. In fact it isn't something they should have to see at all.

Oh and be quiet in bed. There is nothing more traumatizing than hearing your mom and some guy getting it on in the room next to you. Yeah, my mom is loud, and snogs her boyfriend in front of me. I am really starting to lose any respect I have for her. 

Also Scout and Darian are still in their own little wonderland that makes me feel like a third wheel no matter how many other people are around. Which is super for sure.

Uneventful day otherwise. Still didn't grow a pair and talk to Matt, and now I have Brittney in my way because I'm the only friend she can make, and I'm kindof a dick to her. :\  Oh well, I'm a dick, hooraaayyy. Maybe now I can become a CB reg. Like that'll ever happen. I'm destined to become an old-fag. *rages*

I should be working on this project right now, but I just can't get into it, even if it is researching an ancient history. Oh well. I'm not made to not procrastinate, it's just what I'm used to doing. Herp Derp.

Oh, some douche in Spanish almost fucked up my drawing that I was testing my new inking pens on... while I was inking. He bumped my arm and made me draw a slash through the chest of this little girl. I made her shirt black to cover it up... but it blend with her hair. I wanted to draw a vagina on his face. *rages moar* Maybe when I get a worth a shite scanner attached to my computer I'll scan it. Stupid mac that's not compatible with mah compy.

Oh, good (ish) thing On account of no one being able to come to my party except scout, I canceled it to be re-scheduled later, and instead hung out with Scout and got pwned at button mashers all night. My thumbs are bruised, but I had fun.

That's it. Get out.

*Does a Barrel roll*

Haaaaaaaapy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear meeeeeeeeeee,and-I'msorry-for-leaving-you-guys-without-a-post-for-so-loooooooong.

Well, I hope you liked my song. I personally think it's pretty awesome.

So yeah, sorry for being a dick and not posting for forever. I've just been... busy, but not really. I just haven't wanted to post I guess. Though a lot of stuff has been going on.

First I guess I should say the convention was super fun, my zombie outfit was uber popular, and I got lots of pics taken and compliments. :3 ego=stroked.

Also there's been some drama. Baisically Alex asked me back in pretty much the sexiest most uncomfortable show of affection ever. In front of all my friends. He came  up to talking about how I was his Alpha and omega and lots of other poetic things. And pretty much, I got really confused, really certain (which is when I told him I didn't have romantic feelings for him) and then really confused again. So pretty much I'm still worrying over that even though this happened before the convention. *flails* 

Also to add to the magical drama, kendra has been hitting on me more than normal. Which is "cool" because I realized how very annoying she is at the con. All she did was complain and sit around. I'm not a fan of her anymore. Yaaaaaaay

And one more thing! I have found a guy that I think is vury cute and I may or may not have had dirty thoughts about him. But I'm too much a pansy to talk to him. I've tried many times, but I chicken out at the last moment. So I'm sticking to staring creepily at him (I can't help it he's so cute) lately he's been looking back a bit but I always glance away shyly instead of smile *facepalm* ,muuuurrrrrr relationships.

Oh, I wore an awesome outfit today. :3 Mah new italy steam-punk shirt. It was awesome, I got lots of compliments!

And now I'm off to have birthday fondue and figure out where a good tea-house is >3<;

My birthday ish very last minute...