Well I guess my mum's latest boyfriend is "the one." She says they aren't going to get married because marriage isn't necessary, but I beg to differ. At least on one point: when you get married you get married, and then everyone around you knows you intend to spend the rest of your life together. Namely your easily confused, already terrible with understanding romance, daughter. They got matching bracelets. I think my mum was trying to say that was like a wedding ring, but I really was focused on seeing Kendra at the time. The funny thing is, normally my mum is incredibly blunt. When my parents told my brother and I they were getting a divorce she just came right out first thing and said "Your dad won't be living with us any more" or something to that effect. I was nine, maybe eight, and I loved my dad more than anyone in the world. Even I remember screaming, so loud I thought the world would hear me. Hoorah subtlety. You'd think a teacher would be better at explaining things to little kids.
Uhm anyway, I guess that's what we're doing this weekend though, bonding with Dave and his daughters. I already get along fairly well with Dave, but his daughters are mainstream and in their twenties. Enter: Jude! Every child/young adult's favorite in-law! What? He has a sister?! Who'd have guessed! Oh, she's that weird girl that hangs out with the old people? Pish, screw her, she doesn't talk and thinks she so much better than us, leave her with the grandparents. Besides, we have JUDE!!! I am not even fucking kidding. This is how it's been since forever. My brother hangs out with all the people under thirty, and I hang out with anyone over fifty. Not that I object, I love listening to people's lives, I love hearing their adventures. And let's face it teenagers have suckish adventure stories. Besides, despite being a "young person" I have no idea how to interact with most people my own age. Unless they're nerds. And there are no other nerds in my family. I mean, there's my step-brother Jon, but he doesn't like me. I'll just stay in my corner being shy and mistaken for being aloof.
I always freeze up in social situations. Like at dances, I find someone I know and I stick really close to them and I avoid dancing, even though I want to dance. And basically I have a miserable time being self conscious and a total bitch to my friends who are able to be less self conscious in such situations. It's pretty awesome.
I realized something, hanging out with my friends is like crack for me. Not meaning they make me twitchy or whatever, but I get addicted to them. When I hang out with a friend I'm so happy while I'm with them, but then when they leave I go into this weird social withdrawal. I feel violently lonely, I get obsessed with seeing if anyone can talk on the internet, and I become prone to taking angst walks. It totally sucks, especially considering the fact that my friends aren't really the most social bunch. I see them the most during the school year.
Great, thanks to my mum's little shin-dig o' fun, I can't see Kendra tomorrow. Why oh why can't I be the rebellious type that walks out on dinner and doesn't give a fuck? Because I'm a pansy that doesn't ever do anything to upset her dearest mother.
Okay, frack, I'm just RAGEranting now. Well I suppose I am pissed, and I barely, and I mean BARELY, rant like this so... thanks I guess for existing.
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