I know why I stay up late
It's for the gratification of the word
"Online"
When it's underneath her name
I smile, I feel fine
---
Herp Derp, poetry times. Not really anything srs, I was going to just write it in a paragraph form, but I guess my poetic muse was feeling lonely. Also, yeah, I know it's a crap poem, when I'm actually using my art as an emotional outlet, it tends to kind of suck. Funny concept I suppose. My guess is because my muse for everything I do is beauty. I just recently discovered/thought of this. All because my vocal teacher asked me what my purpose for singing is, and who or what my muse is. I'm really not positive what the answer to either question really is, but I do know that when I sing, I sing for the beauty of words and music, and whenever I try to imagine my muse, I think of something beautiful. So I figure my muse is beauty itself, or at least something that demands beauty to be created.
Wow, it is really difficult to write a deep blog entry when going back and forth between reading a new webcomic and it. You really lose your train of thought. I guess that'll explain why some of my entries are really disjointed, I have internet ADD.
I suppose I should explain that poem of fail up there. So, I had an epiphany that I probably already figured out before this, but the reason I stay up late is because Kendra tends to get on gaia around midnight/one in the morning. We always PM each other back and forth, and of course I love talking to her, I have my inexplicable and very persistent crush on her. So I get online to talk to her, them I get distracted with other things and I end up staying online much later than she ever does. This results in a sharp mood swing for the worse, and I stay online even longer, to see if she'll come back online. Logging off when she's online wouldn't solve my problem, because then I'd just feel guilty/lonely and log back on again. So I suppose the only real solution is to get over her again, but I don't know if I can. As is painfully obvious here, she is very prominent in my mind. Not even in the same way as before. I'm not fantasizing about her every five minutes (for the most part) but she's just something there, like a presence. I'm so open to her about it too. I wouldn't dare tell any of my friends some of the things I've thought about them, but I've told Kendra that I think about her all the time, and that thinking about her helps me calm down and go to sleep. I don't know if she thinks I'm serious or not, but I've said before that I'm bad at making my feelings known, I cant just come out and say them, because I'm too afraid my words won't be right.
Also, I am making shepard's pie tomorrow. I have wanted to make this dish since the fifth grade. Needless to say, I am freaking excited.
Also, Kendra is spending the night tomorrow, and she will be helping me make said pie. Needless to say I am really freaking excited.
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