Trolls Everywhere

Well I texted Matt finally. I don't get a reply all evening, I go to sleep after leveling up my pokemans for at least an hour (fire stone y u no in my game? I wants the flareon) then moments after I wake up the next day I see a text from Matt. I'm excited, thinking he finally texted me back, that it's the right number and we might hang out sometime  and make out  But lo and behold when I open the message, it reads "I'm not matt you fucktard" Yeah. woo. Hopes = dashed.

I would understand a reply like this if I had texted and called the number several times, always asking for a Matt. But I texted the number once, at a reasonable hour. A wrong number is not cause for such hostility, I extremely tempted to text something to that affect back. But in the hallowed words of the responsible people on the internet "don't feed the trolls" So I've left my phone on the floor where I threw it in a fit of disgust, and am now hoping a friend is available to hang out with, because goodness knows I need something to keep from running scenario after scenario through my head about how it was all maybe a mistake or somehow Matt will show up at my house because he got my address from a friend. Because honestly, I don't really want the sunshine and roses solution, those are the least likely to actually happen.

Uhm, other than that things aren't really happening. At all. So that's all I suppose.

Happy Agnostic Christmas!

Yeah, my entire family is agnostic, but we still celebrate christmas. Mostly for the joy of giving and receiving than any sort of spiritual what-not, so hooray. (Lol Jesus was born in the springtimes. Silly Christians, stealing Pagan holidays for your owwwn. Sillies) That was fun, I got a ton of fantastic gifts, and people liked the gifts that I gave them as well. We also for the first time in years went to have dinner at another house on christmas day. We went to Dave's parent's house and it was less terrible than I was expecting. Dave's dad wasn't as crazy as everyone thought he would be. Also, there was coffee that everyone secretly put bourbon in, because Dave's dad doesn't drink. I had some, and I just got really freaking tired. I still am pretty tired. You crazy bastards from the 1920's, and your putting of alcohol in coffee, I followed your example and it was only kind of fun...

Also, people will be disappointed to hear that while I did get Matt's phone number the last day of school, I have been too much of a pansy to text or call him. And of course today, when I was finally set to send him a text, I wasn't able to find my phone until 10:00 pm. Stupid universe... sabotaging any attempt I make to get a love live. Stupid universe. I'm starting to think I should just text him anyway, and he'll either get it now, or he'll get it tomorrow. Blurg, romance is still so stupid and confusing.

Back From Vegas

Yup I got back from Vegas a few days ago. As should have been expected, there were no wild bacchanalian nights for me. But I did have a super awesome time regardless. During the afternoon (we stayed up uber late every night and so we got up late too) we went shopping. For the first two days we stayed mostly in The Forum shops or whatever they're called, in the Venetian, and those were pretty fun. They were modeled to look like the streets of Venice and probably some other Italian city I don't know. The interesting thing was that despite Las Vegas being made up of equal parts glitter and cheese, it didn't feel cheesy. The whole thing was... enchanting almost. The walls looked like actual small-scale building and the shops were well-incorporated; the ceiling was painted to look like the sky, but it was realistic enough that it didn't really throw you off. Even the canals and singing gondola rowers in a certain part of it felt quaint rather than obnoxious. I really enjoyed it, and I got some pretty nifty clothes, including a glow-in-the-dark franken-cat shirt, an awesomely smexy black skirt, and greatest of all... a corset! It's super high quality too, sprung-steel ribbing and 100% cotton and silk. I adore it completely, and I can even put it on by myself :3 It takes my 28 inch waist and takes it to a 26. So I suppose I don't really need a corset... but I just can't resist! I love how elegant and sexy it feels. Gah, so much fun.

So uhm... other than that I had finals this week, and I think I did pretty good on them. I know I got an A on my Geometry final and I'm pretty sure I got A's and B's on everything else. Hoorah. Oh gosh, I wrote the most random poem (Not random in it's contents, just random with what I normally write for poetry) So the requirements were: Dialogue, Description, A president, A flashback, the mention of math, and the mention of science. Seeing as I don't readily know all of the president's scientific achievements I couldn't just write about a dead white guy. SO instead I wrote about Speakeasies and Prohibition. It was pretty fun, the last line was "Happiness equals Rum" and it rhymed sometimes. Most because I FUCKING LOVE RHYMING!!! (Insert the "I fucking love coloring" kid here) Yeeaaahhh. Uhm other than that... woo finals are over... and uhm... woo I got Matt's phone number and I might ask him to come see Tron with me maybe .3. *cough*

And Kelsey wants me to join here in seeing how long we can stay up. Both of us want to get to the point of hallucination. But I'm like that almost every day soooo.... Happy Kanishmas?

Sky Lights

When I'm laying on my bed, and I look up and out of my window, it feels like I have a Sky Light. In that moment I can see towering trees and blue sky. Or the starry night, depending on the time. And when I do this I almost forget why I have a curtain over my window, I almost forget about the stained concrete wall and the rusty metal ladder bolted to it's side. 
But then, remember the distance between me and freedom, the screen-less window that is all that stands in my way. 
I remember what the ladder is for. 
Yet, I never wander astray. I am compelled, like the good girl I am, to stay.

Smoke

Well the bout of concerts went well. I never passed out, or almost passed out. Backstage was a bit tedious, Kendra was extra gloomy with a helping of clingy on the side. Though I suppose I really shouldn't talk about her behind her back, I honestly don't have the energy to care anymore. Ever since I had a dream about her a few nights ago I've loathed her touch. I don't really like when people get into my dreams when I don't want them there. Not that I dream much anyway. Oh, and I suppose I should say that Cleo is not in danger of being given away. That's something Dave is good for, he calms down my mom and doesn't mind spending money on her. I think she really likes both of those things. Oof. Lots of angst going on right now. I wasn't even all that angsty today, in fact I had a pretty good day as far as days go. I went to the laundromat to clean comforters, for some reason I like laundromats... or I like how they smell, most of the time. 

About the title, after my brother had dropped Scout off from the concert he told me how it was tradition to smoke a... I dunno, like a miniature cigar thing (I can't remember what he called them) after your sophomore Christmas concert.  He said I should smoke one with him, and I surprised myself and said "fuck it" and I did. I mean, I didn't really inhale or anyshit like that. I treat my lungs like a temple, but I puffed it or whatever you call it. And it was kindof fun, seriously, I didn't freak out about it or anything. They were even cherry flavored, I could not stop licking my lips. X3 And then he showed me how he did some fancy smoking tricks. (none of which I attempted. I would have gagged, dropped the cigar thingy on my dress and then my choir dress would've been ruined.) But he did teach me how to "properly" launch the thing half-way across the street to put it out. I had to try that a few times... it was pretty cool, if only because me and my brother and I never really "hang out" together. But afterwords my mouth started to taste fukken terrible. That alone will keep me from seriously taking up smoking, I hate it when my mouth tastes weird.

Oh, my hair was a madhouse today. I let it go all crazy curly and then I just shoved random bows and clips into my hair. Also, my hair how it turned out.--> (not purple or red but I've gotten over the disappointment/ rage) For some reason I had the urge to attack this with Paint, turns out, I am very purple/blue. :/ weird. After I took this picture I stuck a red feather that's probably over a foot long in my hair as well, side ways so that if someone weren't paying attention when they walked by me it'd smack them right in them face. (Or shoulder. Derp, I'm short)
I think that's about it for my latest "adventures." Oh, I read the first book of Sin City. That freaking crazy cannibal guy disturbed the hell out of me. *shivers*
I suppose that is all, peace out and all that. :3

Incapable?

It's times like this when I wonder if there is something wrong with my brain, or if I am just a terrible human being. I suspect both. I got back from TN about a week ago, and I hadn't remembered to empty my cat's litter box. No one reminded me, I was again expected to simply remember. This is not something that should be expected of me. Regardless of why, the combined effort of my memory and laziness has once again fucked me over. My cat decided that my bed is the perfect place to do her business for at least the third time. My mom has before warned me that if Cleo soiled my bed again she would get rid of her. My mother is furious. I have the sinking feeling I'll never see my cats after this performance and I am currently loathing myself because I still am incapable of doing the simplest of tasks because I have no ability for seeing future consequences. This is also the reason as to why my grades are complete and total shit. I'm failing math and barely passing all of my others, barely. With grades like mine I will not be getting into a good college, I will not be getting a good job, and I will not have any sort of life I imagined. All of that rests on weather or not I do homework for subjects I won't remember in two years. Which is in my opinion, bullshit. Make the time when humans are the least organized the least mature and the least focused on their future the time when their entire life hangs in the balance. I despise the way our schooling systems are set up.

Though my friends seem to be doing well at school. They get all A's if not A+'s and they are the same age if not younger than me. Maybe I'm just defective, unable to properly function. Destined to be the crazy lady living in the ally-way feeding stray cats more than I feed myself. Way to have a bright future, me, way to have a bright future.

Home Again Home Again

Whelp I'm back home, thanks to flight that left at 6 in the morning. ;3; It's been a while since I had to get up so early for a flight. It's strange how getting up so early makes your day seem to last so much longer. You look at the clock thinking it should be 5 o'clock only to find that it's really 2. Oofda. 

I haven't done too much, none of my friends were available to hang out, so I've just been minding my own business, really. Hanging around Gaia, checking up on my webcomics. Speaking of which! I finally updated my webcomic list! Yaaaaaay I'm so lazy! But yeah, it has most of the webcomics I read, but I was running short on time so it's not all of them, but it's still a pretty sizable list. This may be why I have such terrible grades X3

In other news around the internet, I've been looking for goth/lolita/punkish clothes online (Not so much the punk) and it's hard to decide what I want to get. I don't really have that much money to spend (compared to internet prices at least. It would last me for at least 20 thrift shopping trips.) I think my favorite was either this beautiful yellow wa-loli dress covered in white-pink flowers. (I think they're peonies~) It's a full set (headdress, blouse, skirt, legwarmers, belt) but it's not too expensive, only about $61 plus shipping! Normally that's the price before shipping, this makes me very excited. :3 That or this  adorable t-shirt with little grim-reaper kitties, with HANGRY & ANGRY on the bottom. I squealed out loud when I saw it, definitely want.

Also, Dave got back from Korea (South Korea of course) And he got me this adorable gorilla plushie made out of old t-shirt and one of those little solar-powered things that wobble it's head (or in this case heads) when in sunlight. They're over there ---> 

I am adding them to my collection of vinyl toys and other such little figures. I have quite a few now; nothing close to my brother's collection, he has at least 20, not including all of his little blind-box stuff and phone charms. He would make love to Kid Robot. (Or any of his sexy lady figures if they were bigger... and had vaginas... *cough*) I'll get a picture of it (my toys, not my brother getting it on with inanimate objects) once I finally get my room in order.

I think I need to move a little shelf into a corner for some of my fancy bottles and thing and maybe some books... Basically I have way to much stuff and am now having trouble fitting it into my new room. .3.;; It's even bigger than my old one, but now I have a big bed so that's probably why I can't fit as much... but it's a really pretty room, the walls are purple with green trimming and then the bathroom is this pretty deep yellow. It's almost like a flower ~<3

anywhooo I should probably go sort through some more of my stuff so my mum doesn't get angry with me. >3<

Happy Turkey Day Hurrr Hurrrr Amurrrica

I've been in TN for the past few days, after a huge fiasco with my flight, which wasn't too fun. But woo, I'm here with my dad and step-mom. (I would say with my step-brothers too, but contact is rather minimal with those two) Compared to weather in the Rockies, it's freaking summer down here. Tch they think 60 degrees is cold! The loons....
Well, trukeymas is progressing rather uneventfully, my dad's being a huge pessimist like always (I may be gloomy, but his pessimism is down right defeating. Thank you Matt for your pep talk on being positive.) and he's going to complain about how everything is ruined forever like he does, I'm pretty sure everything will turn out fine though. I made lefsa last night. If you haven't had lefsa make yourself a Norwegian friend stat, because lefsa is the most perfect food in the world. Even if it is a bit tricky to make... but I guess I'm pretty good at it :3
I have also been training to be the very best like no one ever was. I've finally been putting in some time on my heart gold game. I'm beginning to wish that I had taken a cyndaquil instead of totodile... I miss my fire-type. But I still have a super Flaffy, his (?) name is Chu Chu :3 sho cyooot.
yeah that's all, I suppose. Have a super turkey day or a super completely normal day.

A whole lot of nothing

That's what's been going on with me lately. Hoooray. School has once again become a monotonous time-trap with a whole bunch of the same, so not much to report there.

Except that I think my orthodontist is punishing me for not wearing my bands. For no apparent reason they took off all of my front brackets and re-put them on. Also, they had a wire tie on one of my teeth so I could attach a band to it, and when I was looking in the mirror last night, the thing is still there, half attached to my bracket, yet I can't get it off. And it obviously has no purpose, aside from being obnoxious. So basically for the first time since I got braces they're hurting for more than a day. Way to go Orthodontists, you've made me hate braces like everyone else.

*sigh* There isn't even anything violently exciting going on with web-comics that I could talk about... Though, in Questionable Content, the whole exchange between Marigold and Tai was lolish. And if you haven't already, go read Marigold's story. It's pretty funny, especially considering she still is a pretty bad writer even after all of Tai's suggestions. Also I am curious to see what is up with Marten's porn. Something in the back of my head is telling me it might his mom. But then I think seriously about it and I'm like "Naaaaaaaaaah"

Oh frack, that reminds me. I started reading My Immortal two or three nights ago. By chapter 5 I wanted to turn off my computer and never turn it on again. But I got through the first 22 chapters without harming myself or anyone else. Good thing it has no plot or else I wouldn't be able to take long breaks in between reading it.  Main complaints: sudden and random sex wtf? She said masticate instead of masturbate and is generally the worst speller/writer/"human" in the omniverse. She mixed up filch and Mrs. Norris, once again again, WTF? And finally, she thinks she's goth. I mean, it's not like I would know what constitutes as goth or not, but I'm pretty sure she was just a... a Hot Topic whore. Or something. I don't even. I just don't even.

Also, only other exciting thing: I am for sure getting my hair dyed this Wednesday. I am freaking excited, holyohmygosh.

That's all I suppose. I'm off to go waste more time on the internet.

You are walking down a path that splits into three different directions...

 Right:

I met a girl today. Well I didn't really meet her... it was on the internet. But I still talked to her in a forum, and I read her profile. I listened to her music on there. Read her About Me. Already I know more about her than most people who just met know about each other. She has the hair that I want one day, and red glasses like me. Also she likes women. She's like someone inside of my head. And even though I've never seen her face to face, I still think I love her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Left:

I can't consider him mine anymore. I pushed him away because I couldn't make up my mind and I couldn't talk to him about it. I turned a boulder, that could have been pushed by two people, into a mountain that I refused to climb. But now I'm lonely, really lonely. And every single day I think about him. And I doubt myself, and my decisions, and my capabilities, and my overall worthiness. And after months of thought, I still have absolutely no bearing on what the hell I should do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Middle:

All I did was stare at him for weeks on end, because he's "interesting" I don't even know why I singled him out. My mum's urging probably helped. Now we talk awkwardly after class. Sure we get along but he's shy as hell, and seeing as hentai lies most of the time, I doubt he'll be some godly-endowed beast in bed who only needs a panty-shot to get it up to full power. And right now, I don't know if I want to hold someone's hand through a relationship. Especially considering I barely know my way through one. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, Do I look for an entirely new relationship, most likely with a girl? Do I try and go back to an old relationship because I'm desperate/doubtful? Or do I follow the path I forged out on with confidence, but may not be the kind of relationship I'm looking for?

If anyone does read this, help would be very appreciated.

hurr you like my little "cleverness" with the paths? hahaha...ha... *passes out*

Talkin About Webcomics

So, uhm. I'm not going to start reviewing webcomics... because I'm way too shy to talk bad about anything... but I am going to start yanno... commenting on updates of comics. I'll need to update my webcomic list too. Because that thing is OUTDATED as HELL. Also,

SPOILER ALERT AND STUFF.

So, the comic that sparked this is Goodbye Chains. It's super well drawn and can range from witty to sad to... violent. But that's one of the things I really like about it, it doesn't focus on just one emotion. (Even though it's a rather dramatic comic on a whole.) The update today really surprised me.  I had been wondering where she would be going with everything after Banquo's death. Before this update things seemed to be winding down. But my goodness. They have not. I was rather surprised to see a ghost in the story, because up until now it's not shown any kind of supernatural touches. Not saying that I don't like it, I love it. And he's just as much of a lovable dick (hurrrr) as always, what with the whole "I knew it" thing. My goodness. I'm really excited to see what comes of this now. *glee*

Well that's all about that I suppose. My life has been... painfully normal. Though I am slowly but surly moving into my new room. It's in the basement, and has awesome full-sized windows in the window wells that are quite easy to climb out of, or into if that's your game. Hooray fire-codes. Oh, also. told Scout about the thing with Alex in it's entirety and her advice is I should talk to him. And I want to, I just don't know how. Then there's Matt. Who I like, but I think it's a rather shallow like as of yet. I don't know too much about him. Though he does draw, and he does write, he also plays soccer and wears the same thing to school everyday. Srsly. THE SAME THING. Same shoes, same style of pants, same hoodie zipped up to his neck. I've seen him wear one different outfit ONCE. When he had to wash his hoodie. Granted, it's a pretty fukken awesome jacket. He actually was about to ask if I was working trick-or-treat street after school when I was wearing one of my outfits. I was lolin. So, maybe Matt isn't the one for me. Maybe Alex is? I don't know, I guess I should think on it more... Fuck.

Other than that, I have a choir thing tomorrow, and then it's on to the weekend, which I may hang out with kelsey, and watch 300. o3o

Joy.

Gorillaz

Sweet. Freaking. Zombie brains. That concert was awesome. Seriously, ohmygoodness. Kelsey and I had such a super time. Even though she forgot her glasses. Dawww poor kelseh cannot see without them but never wears em' because they give her headaches. X3

Erm anywho. I was really tired all day. Scared myself awake in math, it was so weird. Accursed falling sensation and it's vile powers.

I disagreed with my creative writing teacher for the first time today. She's being rather uppity about the difference between mood and emotion. Emotion is purveying the characters own feeling to the reader, and mood is giving the reader an emotion. That's pretty much spot on. (I think) But she was wanting us to write a story that displayed a feeling, and then had us write a prologue. What got me miffed was that she insisted we were all creating moods instead of feelings in our first stories, and that we weren't supposed to be. I disagree with that, I think good writing gives a mood while telling a characters feeling, this makes the reader feel the same as the character. Of course you wouldn't want vice versa, giving non-existent characters emotion. And I suppose only being able to set a mood when there are characters involved would be difficult. But I think a better exercise would be to have a character feeling a different emotion than the mood sets. I dunno. I didn't enjoy ti because I feel the into ruined my writing. It was very unnecessary and an excess. And because I was writing in "filler mode" It sets absolutely no mood whatsoever. It's a terrible bit of forced writing that I had to turn in rather than turning in the actually story which has a steaming pile of emotions and moods in it.

Guh. Rant. Pardon me.

Destruction

It fascinates me that destruction can give someone such a feeling of power. It doesn't even have to be on a large scale, like wiping out cities, or species; Something small, like tearing the edge of a jacket with your own hands can be exhilarating. There's a small reassurance in knowing that no matter how out of control life can seem you still have the power to destroy things. It's almost calming, it gives you a sense of security, like breaking a pencil when you're angry. It grounds you. 

herp derp your wisdom for the day.

:/

I finished reading Allan's archives (the webcomic) and I'm kind of sad. Webcomics are rarely just as good while you wait for updates as when you first read through the whole archives.

Unless the webcomic is ms paint adventures. There is no way in fucking hell I am reading through those archives.

D:<

Plague-Face

Created by Oatmeal

Awwww yeah man. I looked at some of my friends (supposed) times, and only Kelsey's time was longer than mine. Even then only by 9 minutes. Hurrrrr.

Oh, and I'm finally feeling the burn of facial puberty. Cept I'm not actually breaking out, I just got an allergic reaction to the face cleaning pads I was using. Sure, when I try to clean my face, it gets fucked up, but when I don't I have skin as smooth as a fair maiden's hand. Lol I are can has be vain plz?

In other news, I had parent teacher conferences today. My mum made me go with her because my grades could be much better >3< I was dreading it, thinking it was just going to be a night of people telling me how much better I could be doing. Which I don't really like to hear because it's presumptuous and only the tiniest bit motivating, if at all. But that didn't happen too much. All of my teachers were super supportive and such, about helping me remember to do homework. I fukken hate homework. D: It makes me get flustered and confused and like I could be doing so many better things... hurrrr I has issues.

Also, today was a short day and all we had to do was take this "Career Aptitude" or what have you. I'm guessing I'll get arts and psychology studies like I do every other time I take tests like this. *Sigh* doesn't really help me. But oh well, I'll figure that all out eventually I suppose.

Also, after school was over (At like, 11:30. Hellz yeah) I went on a really long walk. Like... super long. I went down to the lake that's by my house and walked around in a dry canal. Which didn't have as much cool stuff as I had hoped. .3. There wasn't anything cool on the beach either, except for this really cool looking fish spine. It was all pearly white and shining. I almost wanted to pick it up, but then I though of creepy flesh eating parasites and decided not to. Also, I saw a whole rotting fish behind a log. It was rather big fish to be rotting behind a log... o3o rotting fish is rotting.

Uhm... and I talked to Matt more. Hurrrr. Also, I have no idea when I'm going to have a birthday party. *sighs* though I got a cool idea, since we have open well sockets or whatever we can change light bulbs really easy. So, I was thinking I could totally have a black light party. :3 MOAR NEON MOAR! Maybe I could convince my mum to let us put down a tarp somewhere so we could splatter-paint each other :3 Yeeeaaaah. Get some skimpeh white clothes and go outside (where it's freezing cold. hurrrr colorado) and then get a bunch of neon paint and go craaaaazzyyyyy. Only problem would be that I'm the only on of my friends who would be... whoreish like that. So. derp. Plan B plz?

Uhm... closing thought: Writing an awesome story , sometimes plague-face is not so bad.

Angry Mom is Angry

And really bad at talking to kids. I thought she had a degree in child psychology? Shouldn't that mean she can make students motivated to do work? All she makes me motivated in doing is physically and mentally abusing myself over how much of a failure I am. It's a good thing I don't bruise easy, or else I would have big palm-heel marks on my fore-head all the time, from how much I hit myself when I can't remember things properly, or forget things all together. Probably not helping the whole terrible memory situation. 

And in the midst of self-loathing there is also a period of feeling the need to run away, it's a very strong need. Now that I have my emergency exit out the basement window, I fancy I might flee more often. And I can get around my neighborhood pretty well now. I guess since I've mastered my block and the park, it's time to branch out to the houses behind and to the side of me. I imagine this will require more trespassing through people's yards and more fence climbing. I need the learn how to climb fences. I need to learn how to run away, if I can't fight. At the very least. But it would be nice to learn how to fight to. Not match-fighting, with rules and poses and shite, but a mix between self-defense and street fighting. And not that pansy step-by-step self defense. Like the self defense catwoman learns in the mini-series where she's a hooker. That seems yanno... useful.

*sigh* I guess I just have a lot of feeling of needing to escape right now. I want to spar with kelsey. Like this one time when I was over at her house and we were running around actually playing make believe for the first time in like... years. And then we got in a play fight and my fighting instincts kicked in when she had me in a hold. It wasn't a very good hold granted, because my elbow was free. And that was all my brain needed to know. Without really thinking I elbowed her almost as hard as I could. It worked, she got off me. I think she actually fell back and doubled over. And kelsey is pretty tough. I mean, she can take round house kicks to the head. If she can do that one would think an elbow wouldn't be too bad.

Urg, I'm getting antsy just writing about being trapped. That's one things I have going for me at least, when I'm in a corner I'll fight like hell to get out of it, no matter who they are. Yaaaaaaay for copious amounts of bottled fury and my incapability to direct it to places other than violeeence! I swear if I weren't so afraid of killing myself I would cut or something. I already kind of do, without breaking skin. For example, I bite the inside of my cheeks or dig my nails into my thumbs when I have a lot of emotion. It's kind of like a leash, so that I don't just flip out. If I were less mellow, I would be a very violent person, I'd be the girl that getting into legit fights and the little kid that would torture small animals when feeling angry or sad. Whatever made me in a perpetually stoned state, I thank it more or less... sometimes. Meh. I suppose I should go embarrass myself with the voice thread some more. *peace symbol*

Has a Lolcat

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

SHo cute X3

Uhmmmmm not much happening today, except that it was space cow-boy day. I was a space-ish saloon girl. I looked pretty pwnsome if I do say so myself. A lot of people liked it :3

Also, Alex was an indian, and he had a "scouter" (half a pair of glasses with green over them) he asked me to ask him what the scouter said about their power level. To which he would reply "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAANNND!!!" And then when he said that some random kid was like "What? Nine thousand?!?" It was very win. Oh and I worked in a group with Matt. Shy boy is shy >3< Sooooo shy. Or afraid. Or generally depressed. :\

herp derp hafta figure out voice thread so Kelsey doesn't killll meeeee.

*rages*

Really? Really all you love-struck bastards? You can't "contain your love" enough to give a fuck about who you're kissing around? Gee thanks. Because people really want to see you making out in the hallways or in front of them at lunch, or across the room when you're doing dishes. Now, don't think that I'm against physical shows of affection, I'm not. But at least I'm considerate of where I preform them, and how intense. Here are my thoughts on the matter:

In front of friends: Hold hands, arm around eachother

In crowded places: Hug, hold hands, small kiss

In front of children: 50's t.v. family stuff nothing more.

Because seriously? I don't care how old your kids are, if you are hanging all over your boyfriend and snogging and giggling, no matter how much your kids jokes around about it, it is NOT something they want to see. In fact it isn't something they should have to see at all.

Oh and be quiet in bed. There is nothing more traumatizing than hearing your mom and some guy getting it on in the room next to you. Yeah, my mom is loud, and snogs her boyfriend in front of me. I am really starting to lose any respect I have for her. 

Also Scout and Darian are still in their own little wonderland that makes me feel like a third wheel no matter how many other people are around. Which is super for sure.

Uneventful day otherwise. Still didn't grow a pair and talk to Matt, and now I have Brittney in my way because I'm the only friend she can make, and I'm kindof a dick to her. :\  Oh well, I'm a dick, hooraaayyy. Maybe now I can become a CB reg. Like that'll ever happen. I'm destined to become an old-fag. *rages*

I should be working on this project right now, but I just can't get into it, even if it is researching an ancient history. Oh well. I'm not made to not procrastinate, it's just what I'm used to doing. Herp Derp.

Oh, some douche in Spanish almost fucked up my drawing that I was testing my new inking pens on... while I was inking. He bumped my arm and made me draw a slash through the chest of this little girl. I made her shirt black to cover it up... but it blend with her hair. I wanted to draw a vagina on his face. *rages moar* Maybe when I get a worth a shite scanner attached to my computer I'll scan it. Stupid mac that's not compatible with mah compy.

Oh, good (ish) thing On account of no one being able to come to my party except scout, I canceled it to be re-scheduled later, and instead hung out with Scout and got pwned at button mashers all night. My thumbs are bruised, but I had fun.

That's it. Get out.

*Does a Barrel roll*

Haaaaaaaapy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear meeeeeeeeeee,and-I'msorry-for-leaving-you-guys-without-a-post-for-so-loooooooong.

Well, I hope you liked my song. I personally think it's pretty awesome.

So yeah, sorry for being a dick and not posting for forever. I've just been... busy, but not really. I just haven't wanted to post I guess. Though a lot of stuff has been going on.

First I guess I should say the convention was super fun, my zombie outfit was uber popular, and I got lots of pics taken and compliments. :3 ego=stroked.

Also there's been some drama. Baisically Alex asked me back in pretty much the sexiest most uncomfortable show of affection ever. In front of all my friends. He came  up to talking about how I was his Alpha and omega and lots of other poetic things. And pretty much, I got really confused, really certain (which is when I told him I didn't have romantic feelings for him) and then really confused again. So pretty much I'm still worrying over that even though this happened before the convention. *flails* 

Also to add to the magical drama, kendra has been hitting on me more than normal. Which is "cool" because I realized how very annoying she is at the con. All she did was complain and sit around. I'm not a fan of her anymore. Yaaaaaaay

And one more thing! I have found a guy that I think is vury cute and I may or may not have had dirty thoughts about him. But I'm too much a pansy to talk to him. I've tried many times, but I chicken out at the last moment. So I'm sticking to staring creepily at him (I can't help it he's so cute) lately he's been looking back a bit but I always glance away shyly instead of smile *facepalm* ,muuuurrrrrr relationships.

Oh, I wore an awesome outfit today. :3 Mah new italy steam-punk shirt. It was awesome, I got lots of compliments!

And now I'm off to have birthday fondue and figure out where a good tea-house is >3<;

My birthday ish very last minute...

RAGE QUIT

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
Yeah. I'm pissed off. I'm very pissed off. Firstly the shoes that I got for my zombie outfit are EXTREMELY too big. Not even just a little bit too big, they are outrageous. They don't fit my feet, the straps are too long and bulge out when I wear them, they look terrible. Not to mention the buckles are terrible and half-broken. So I don't have shoes for the convention that is one day away. Fucking fantastic. 
Also, guess what I just learned today? Darien is going to be at the convention. Just when I think I have a millisecond with Scout NOT literally (Seriously she REALLY does this!) cling to Darien's side and whispering in his ear and kissing his cheek or his neck or his whatever and totally ignoring anyone around her. We literally have to yell to get her attention, and then she acts all cute and "Oh, what? you were saying something? I was too busy whispering sweet nothings into my darling beloved's ear teehee!" So, I'm going to be stuck hanging out with Kendra for the entire time who has been getting INCREASINGLY obnoxious and repetitive about how suck-tastic her life is. It may be. I don't know. But when you do obnoxious probably overdone imitations of her parents that don't relent for at least half a minute any time anything remotely related to parents or permission or anything we do that she doesn't. I mean she already bitches about how I have better clothes than her. Well guess what? I'm a pleasant fairly well adjusted teenager who knows how to be kind to her parents all the time so that they are actually willing to do things for her. You're complaining about your mom getting pissed at you? Maybe you shouldn't sigh and roll yours eyes at her constantly. Maybe you shouldn't have sarcasm and teenage angst in your tone every time you talk to your parents. Maybe you should figure out what being nice and polite is instead of blaming everyone else for your problems. And before: yeah, I am a hypocrite.
So yes. I am seriously raging right about now. People are really pissing me the fuck off. My teenage-iness is getting much much worse and I have to fight to keep from lashing out at people every five seconds. Good thing when it comes right down to it I am better trained that a prize winning show dog at being the pleasant, kind, and happy teenage girl. But even the best training can be undone. I used to joke about snapping and going around punching people in the face at the slightest aggravation. Heh. Doesn't feel like I'm kidding any more.

Oofda

Well, school has started up again. It's been going fairly well I suppose. Most of my classes are good, except for geometry but meh, it is to be expected. My biggest excitement is the fast approaching convention. Though I still don't have all the stuff I want to have. Like those stupid fake guts. the more I try and figure out how to make them the less I want to. I can be a zombie without guts spilling everywhere... right? Though I don't think I can be decora without an oversized hoodie and shite-loads of bracelets/necklaces. Which is why I need to get to the doller store again and why I probably should have looked for a hoodie a target when I was there. *Facepalms*

At least I know my zombie wounds will look cool. I guess I have natural aptitude for making narsty yet realistic wounds.

Also, the ortho assistant who worked on me today was a fan of zombies. We talked, or rather she talked to me, and I made comments when she took her hands out of my mouth. Braces are such a nuisance. They don't even have the decency to incapacitate me with pain, I just have to settle with mild annoyance that gets me out of nothing.

Oh, and a question,  should I wear a loli outfit for friday of the convention, or a more punk-ish outfit? Both are black and red, but they're pretty different. (Whaaaaaat? Punk and loli are DIFFERENT? WHHAAAAAAT???)

Hmmmm. I suppose that's it. No tragic e-breakdown today, sorry to disappoint. Though I still have a bit of rage lingering with not being able to figure out those damned intestines.

I'm scared. I feel like insanity is at my doorstep, and on thing will send it crashing into the door of my mind. If this is how all teenagers feel, I feel sorry for them. Though I doubt they talk to their personas, and ask them for advice in situations. That's what mostly makes me think I'm going insane.

My mom's boyfriend is moving in. It's inevitable now. I don't want it to happen. I didn't mind when Sherry became a second motherly figure, I love Sherry, she's a fantastic person and anyone would be lucky to have her as a mom. But I'm very connected to my Dad, I always have bee, moreso than I am to my mom, or at least in a different way. I don't want someone coming into my life and breaking into his role. I don't want someone in my life doing the things my dad can't do for me everyday because he's miles and miles away. I don't need for my Dad to come back, but I don't want anyone where he should be in my life. Until now my mom's boyfriends have only been my mom's boyfriends. People for me to verbally harass, and glean benefits from. Sure, they've all be nice guys, but I haven't had to face living with them, at least not for more than spans of a few days. My mom's boyfriend has been nothing but nice to me too, he bought me my loli zombie outfit, he's driving me to school, and he'd probably do more if i asked him. But I just remember how my Dad will sometimes say that he wishes he could be there in the morning to make me breakfast, and to help me with homework 

Here, I broke down crying, then snuck out for a long walk. By texting a friend who gave me incredibly sound advice, I was able to calm down. I've decided that interacting with Kitty, Rabbit, and Goggs are acceptable forms of sorting through my problems or what have you. Of course, returning home made my tension and dislike of my mom's boyfriend flare up again, but I figure I can cope enough to make it through dinner tonight. Especially if my three darlings are willing to help. I think I'm going to start running more.

Insomnia

I know why I stay up late

It's for the gratification of the word

"Online"

When it's underneath her name

I smile, I feel fine

---

Herp Derp, poetry times. Not really anything srs, I was going to just write it in a paragraph form, but I guess my poetic muse was feeling lonely. Also, yeah, I know it's a crap poem, when I'm actually using my art as an emotional outlet, it tends to kind of suck. Funny concept I suppose. My guess is because my muse for everything I do is beauty. I just recently discovered/thought of this. All because my vocal teacher asked me what my purpose for singing is, and who or what my muse is. I'm really not positive what the answer to either question really is, but I do know that when I sing, I sing for the beauty of words and music, and whenever I try to imagine my muse, I think of something beautiful. So I figure my muse is beauty itself, or at least something that demands beauty to be created.

Wow, it is really difficult to write a deep blog entry when going back and forth between reading a new webcomic and it. You really lose your train of thought. I guess that'll explain why some of my entries are really disjointed, I have internet ADD. 

I suppose I should explain that poem of fail up there. So, I had an epiphany that I probably already figured out before this, but the reason I stay up late is because Kendra tends to get on gaia around midnight/one in the morning. We always PM each other back and forth, and of course I love talking to her, I have my inexplicable and very persistent crush on her. So I get online to talk to her, them I get distracted with other things and I end up staying online much later than she ever does. This results in a sharp mood swing for the worse, and I stay online even longer, to see if she'll come back online. Logging off when she's online wouldn't solve my problem, because then I'd just feel guilty/lonely and log back on again. So I suppose the only real solution is to get over her again, but I don't know if I can. As is painfully obvious here, she is very prominent in my mind. Not even in the same way as before. I'm not fantasizing about her every five minutes (for the most part) but she's just something there, like a presence. I'm so open to her about it too. I wouldn't dare tell any of my friends some of the things I've thought about them, but I've told Kendra that I think about her all the time, and that thinking about her helps me calm down and go to sleep. I don't know if she thinks I'm serious or not, but I've said before that I'm bad at making my feelings known, I cant just come out and say them, because I'm too afraid my words won't be right.

Also, I am making shepard's pie tomorrow. I have wanted to make this dish since the fifth grade. Needless to say, I am freaking excited.

Also, Kendra is spending the night tomorrow, and she will be helping me make said pie. Needless to say I am really freaking excited.

~Tentacle Cats make delicious meat pies... those poor tentacle cats.

New Family bonding time

Well I guess my mum's latest boyfriend is "the one." She says they aren't going to get married because marriage isn't necessary, but I beg to differ. At least on one point: when you get married you get married, and then everyone around you knows you intend to spend the rest of your life together. Namely your easily confused, already terrible with understanding romance, daughter. They got matching bracelets. I think my mum was trying to say that was like a wedding ring, but I really was focused on seeing Kendra at the time. The funny thing is, normally my mum is incredibly blunt. When my parents told my brother and I they were getting a divorce she just came right out first thing and said "Your dad won't be living with us any more" or something to that effect. I was nine, maybe eight, and I loved my dad more than anyone in the world. Even I remember screaming, so loud I thought the world would hear me. Hoorah subtlety. You'd think a teacher would be better at explaining things to little kids.

Uhm anyway, I guess that's what we're doing this weekend though, bonding with Dave and his daughters. I already get along fairly well with Dave, but his daughters are mainstream and in their twenties. Enter: Jude! Every child/young adult's favorite in-law! What? He has a sister?! Who'd have guessed! Oh, she's that weird girl that hangs out with the old people? Pish, screw her, she doesn't talk and thinks she so much better than us, leave her with the grandparents. Besides, we have JUDE!!! I am not even fucking kidding. This is how it's been since forever. My brother hangs out with all the people under thirty, and I hang out with anyone over fifty. Not that I object, I love listening to people's lives, I love hearing their adventures. And let's face it teenagers have suckish adventure stories. Besides, despite being a "young person" I have no idea how to interact with most people my own age. Unless they're nerds. And there are no other nerds in my family. I mean, there's my step-brother Jon, but he doesn't like me. I'll just stay in my corner being shy and mistaken for being aloof. 

I always freeze up in social situations. Like at dances, I find someone I know and I stick really close to them and I avoid dancing, even though I want to dance. And basically I have a miserable time being self conscious and a total bitch to my friends who are able to be less self conscious in such situations. It's pretty awesome. 

I realized something, hanging out with my friends is like crack for me. Not meaning they make me twitchy or whatever, but I get addicted to them. When I hang out with a friend I'm so happy while I'm with them, but then when they leave I go into this weird social withdrawal. I feel violently lonely, I get obsessed with seeing if anyone can talk on the internet, and I become prone to taking angst walks. It totally sucks, especially considering the fact that my friends aren't really the most social bunch. I see them the most during the school year.

Great, thanks to my mum's little shin-dig o' fun, I can't see Kendra tomorrow. Why oh why can't I be the rebellious type that walks out on dinner and doesn't give a fuck? Because I'm a pansy that doesn't ever do anything to upset  her dearest mother. 

Okay, frack, I'm just RAGEranting now. Well I suppose I am pissed, and I barely, and I mean BARELY, rant like this so... thanks I guess for existing.

~Tentacle cats will rape this new family reunion.

Ohmygawd... it's CLEAN!

Yup, my room is pretty much clean. I think it took a total of twelve hours to get it that way. I horde junk like a magpie hordes shiny things, you should see that bag of trash I have, and I didn't even go through my stuff boxes! Really what I'm most pleased with, is my artsy center, I have it all cleaned up and organized. Before it was overflowing with junk, and useless stuff, and... jelly beans. But now it's all in folders and boxes, hoorah! Though I still have to clean off some surfaces and put some things up where they belong. I haven't cleaned my room like this in a very very long time, probably over a year.

Soooo, I am loving my new jacket that I got from bodyline. It's kindof punky, with a lot of straps and buckles on it. It also has "fur" trim, bunny ears on the hood and something of a cat-tail on the back, and the sleeves and hood are black and red striped. God I love stripes, I swear I have almost every item of clothing in stripes. *ponders* Yup I do. Funny thing is, my mum hates stripes. Hurrrr I'm a unique flower.

Also, my grandma on my mom's side has been visiting us (She's the reason I cleaned my room) and the only thing I disliked about her staying with us was her insistence that I stay off the computer and go to bed at eleven. During the summer I am a night owl with an internet addiction, and while I know I need to start re-adjusting my schedule for school, I still want to at least stay up till 12, so I can talk to Kendra on gaia. Oh old christian women and their enema for technology and staying up late. But they are the best cooks, ever, srsly ohmygawd SO GOOD.

Oh and on a topic unrelated to grandmas, I finally broke up with Alex. I was worrying it was going to be some big deal like with Jared or Mike (I never dated Mike thank god, but I did have to dissuade him very harshly. He's more of a creeper than Jared, we try not to speak his name for fear he should think we might still enjoy his company.) But surprisingly enough it was completely painless. He said it haad to end sooner or later and that he'd see me when school starts. I could've flown I was so relieved. I did hit on Kendra a bit, which I guess is a similar side effect.

Speaking of Kendra, we are hopefully going to this huuuge costume shop on the twelfth, so that I can get stuff for zombie wounds, gold gloves, and gold makeups. (and anything else that is awesome) Hurg blurg, I hope there isn't some srs bsns zombie fan following that'll make me feel like an imposter. D:

~Tentacle Cats have fanceh jackets.

Herg Blerg

So I've been away for a few days. My grandma was in town visiting my aunt, so I decided to go visit them both. I really had a nifty time, I never get to see me grandma on my dad's side, and I'm always glad to get a chance to see my dad's side of the family. That's the sucky part of divorce, you don't get to see certain people you love as often as you'd like. Hurrrrrr so emo lately. I need to perk up before school starts.

But seeing my family was nice, we put together puzzles, and went thrift store shopping. Turns out my aunt lives really close to Scout's dad. Like srsly close. It was weeeeiiiiirrrd. I'm glad that I went.

Promptly afterwards I went to Kat's, because My brother was talking about having some people over... I wasn't in the mood for cowering in my room all night. But Kat's was fun too, we hung out with some of her friends and solved riddles. Then watched Will & Grace and Who's line is it any way, two of the best shows on earth!

Ermmmm, I also decided that I wasn't going to able to pull off the catwoman costume. Huurrrr Durrrr, months of planning for nothing! So instead I am making a zombie loli outfit. I think it'll be pretty win, if I do say so myself. I've already ordered the dress and shoes and stuff, now I just need to get lots of fake blood, maybe some lube, for added slick-slimeyness. and stuff that you make fake wounds with. It would be crazy awesome if I could have fake intestines hanging out of my stomach... but I don't know if they'd stay on. I could pull a Tyra Sanchez and hot glue them to me X3 Seriously, if anyone reads this give me some fake gore tips. PLEASE. I know I can fashion blood smears and shallow wounds, but I dunno if that will cut it. Meh, I'll just do a small scale test run and see what happens :3 If I can't stick the intestines to me, it'd still be fun to drag them around. Useful for pictures I'd think, I could nom on them. That's really what I'm freaking out about... how to act. I know I can't stay in character the whole time, when talking. Should I just try to shamble everywhere? I hope it won't be too big of a deal.

Also, I've been thinking about how to make this tentacle outfit. Scout started the idea, with this drawing of a girl with huge tentacle boob things. Basically there were really thick tentacles where her tatas were supposed to be. and I think I've finally figured some stuff out... mostly supporting them. I think they'd have to be put on some sort of halter-bra thing. And they'd have to be really light weight. Then I think the legs would just be a pair of long green socks or tights with tentacle paint on them. It would be cool if the fabric could come up to the tentacle bra. Then maybe I could get some green gloves, and paint the like tentacles. That's six... I guess I'd either do tentacle pig-tails, or tails of some sort... I wish I could get it done by the con, but I probably won't. Sad-face.

So I guess I've rambled enough about my plans for costumes, so I'm out.

~Tentacle cats approve of tentacle boobs.

I really hate this. Not this as in life, or this as in my day-to-day, this as in this moment, right now. Right when my eyes feel like blinking doesn't help, and when my ears want to stop hearing things, and when I just want to slip into some sort of cocoon-like middle stage, where I can get past all the B.S. of being a teenager, all the superficial crap, all the insecurity, all the stupid-arse drama, and romance, and complications. But even when I think that I know that I can't just sleep through it, that this is for the rest of my life. People will always be superficial and insecure and people will always thrive on drama. It's those thoughts that make me want to go live in mountains for the rest of my life. Get a motor home or a camper or something, and just go find a spot that's secluded, and live away from all the stupidity of life. Like my Dad did, after the divorce. I'll go move to montana, stay up in the mountains for the summer, as long as I can chance it, then for the winter just board with some cool hippies or something. Just lay low and avoid people who would just cause me pain or frustration or whatever. I could find a tiny little run-down cabin and fix it up. Devote my time to my arts. I'd sell my stuff in town to make some money, but I'd be self-efficient for the most part. I'd go climb up a mountain, I even know the trail, and I'd sing at the peak, I'd sing with all my heart, and people down below would hear me, and maybe stop their angry lives, their selfish lives, their sad lives, to listen. Maybe I'd come down from the mountain, and live in the town, find someone to spend the rest of my days with, settle down and live life happily. I even know the house I'd live in. I've been inside. It's perfect and beautiful. I'd grow old, and happy and I'd die, knowing that I got away from some of the shit people do, some of the crap we think is normal. I'd die with a smile on my face, but not before sharing my story with someone. Someone young like me in this moment, someone lost and frustrated. I'd tell them about my cabin and the mountaintop. Maybe one day after I'd be dead and gone, that person would climb up a mountain to find my cabin, they'd devote them self to whatever they love, they'd climb to a mountain peak, and they too would sing for all the people down below to hear and think, and maybe for one moment, stop and just listen.

I can only wish.

Back to the Old Routine.

Well I got home a few days ago, and while it's great to be out of the stifling heat and humidity, I am kindof disappointed at going back to my old "routines." You know, wake up, wander about the house, get on the compy, eat, wander, get on the compy, wander, fiddle with stuff in my room, get on the compy and so on. At least I did some stuff visiting my dad. The only thing exciting  that I've done is go to the local Art Museum with Kendra and her friend Trisha for her (Kendra's) birthday. Which was pretty fun, I was glad to see some of my friends again. I had to wait outside the museum for about an hour and half though, waiting for everyone to arrive. And of course the place has two main entrances which was FFFFFFFFFF-tastic. Pretty much I just walked between the two the entire time. I think the museum guard people were confused by the time I was making my third pass. But, Kendra and Trisha did show up, and I didn't get assaulted by this creepy hobo ventriloquist. I am not even kidding about the hobo ventriloquist. It was one of the oddest things I've seen. And I've seen many, many street performers.

Well, I guess I should tell you all about what I did at my Daaaads. I went and saw a foreign film, called "I am Love" it was interesting, though it was a teensy bit hard to follow. Also, there was a sex scene in the middle. Considering my dad was sitting next to me... it was pretty damn awkward. Uhm we also went and saw a bluegrass show, at the Ryman. I can't remember who played, but he's a legend pretty much. He plays the Banjo. Then we went to the Aquarium, which was pretty awesome. They had a Jelly-fish exhibit. (I don't care what you're supposed to call them, I call them jelly-fish) That was pretty much awesome. I absolutely love looking at jelly fish. They're both beautiful and silly. and the displays they had were really well done. They had a dark room with a full wall of moon Jellies and mirrors on each side, it made it seem like there was a never ending hall of Jellies. Sadly there were a lot of poorly controlled kids in the room... FFFFFF SMALL CHILDREN. They also had a seahorse exhibit. I was so excited to see the Sea-dragons, I really adore them. Uhm... we also saw an IMAX film. The srs bsns kind too, not the lame-tastic movie version of IMAX. The full on museum-grade IMAX where the screen talks to you in the beginning and the screen is SIX STORIES TALL. FUCK YES IMAX! :3 It was also 3D. The film was about the Hubble Telescope. It was pretty nifty, to say the least.

But I guess that's about it. Herp Derp. I think I'm going to go wander for a bit, and maybe eat something. 

~Tentacle Cat says: Full Circle!!!

Hooray planes...

Well I'm off to my dad's soon, hoorah. I really am glad I get to see him and my step-family, but it was just poorly timed. There are some things that I wanted to do that I won't be able to now that I'll be away. All because my mom suddenly cares if she leaves Jordan and I to fend for ourselves for a while. Seriously, it's like she's gotten more protective with age. She normally does the minimal of parental overseeing, but now she's actually slightly engaged. Maybe it's because Jordan's going off to College, she having an "OMG I DIDN'T PARENT MY CHILDREN ENOUGH MAYBE IF I START NOW IT'LL BE OKAY" moment. Guh, I'm sorry I really don't mean to sound that bitchy, but my mom can get on my nerves from time to time.

Blurg, teenage angst aside I guess not much is going on. Though I did see Despicable Me today. It was pretty much adorable, and really there was nothing sad in it. Generally a pretty fantastic movie. Go see it. :3

My Old Compy!!!!

So, I dunno if I ever mentioned this (I've probably bitched about it at some point or another) But I've been using my mum's Mac book for a really long time now. Like months or something, all because the big desktop compy decided that I should never log in again EVAR! Now her boyfriend at the time (Who claimed to know about computers) said that I should under no circumstances just create a new account and transfer over all my crap. Something about "Wull that hardly fixes the problum huurrrrrr." My mum would not listen to me when I said I could just make a new account. Now, time has passed, and my mum has a new boyfriend who said that this sort of thing happens all the time with the software at his work and they just... make a new account and move their stuff. CONCEPT! And now I really feel like telling my mum "I told ya' so!" But I won't because I'm a pansy-ass.
So, long story short, I now have access to my old compy all the time and will never again have to wait for my mum to get off her lap-top. Also, my my firefox has a Cain skin (From God Child) Fuck yes. My compy is awash with sexy men. (I have a a young Vladmire from the web comic Bardiflay on my desk-top)
I will need the consolation of sexy men in the near future too. I'm pretty set on breaking up with Alex. (Lol, where'd that come from?) Our relationship started going places I realize I didn't really want to go, and I'm not good with patching things up or whatever. I have a nagging feeling that I'm taking the easy way out, but then I think of all the stuff that I don't like about him. The top few are: He does drugs, He kisses like a dog and has rank breath (those are related), He doesn't read, and he can be jerk without meaning it. Guh back into the turmoil of relationships. This wouldn't be to much of a problem though, if I could figure out a way to break up with him that isn't too awkward or shitty on my part. Sadly I don't have school to use as a way to meet. I'll just have to "stop by" or whatever. Maybe after I get back from visiting my dad. Or before? Which is less brood-inducing? Blurg I dunno, on to cooler stuff.
I found yet another web-comic, but this one is pretty much the longest comic I've ever read. I started reading it a few days ago and I just today got to the year 2009. But it's a really awesome comic, so I'm akoy with it. It's called Questionable Content. I actually have a whole slew of comics that I need to put on the list... but I'm lazy so I haven't gotten around to it ever. Derp. Sorry.
I've also been getting a lot of comic ideas in my head. I just need to sit down and draw them... lol one's about me falling on my arse when practicing "Parkour" with Kelsey X3 I'm still sore from all that physical activity.
And I guess the only other news is that... uhm... I will hopefully be ordering my catsuit before I go to my dad's and that Drag U is premiering while I'm there. I'm going to make my step-brothers watch it XD


~Tentacle cats are Parkour BEASTS.

I need to sleep more...

Well, I knew it would happen, but I didn't know it would suck so much. My body has lapsed into it's new (by new I mean it's only happened the past few summers) "Summer Time" Sleeping schedule. This consists of me staying up until sometime between 3 and 5, then sleeping in until anywhere from 12 to 1 or later at times. This I wouldn't mind so much, if it weren't so hard to break. I mean, I'm getting more sleep than I normally do during the school year, and when I am up, I feel fine. But if I have to get up even an hour earlier than normal, it is the biggest bitch in the existence of the universe. (Give or take, of course) I've even started out-staying-up Alex. Which is sad, because I get lonely in the wee hours of the morning with no-one to talk to.
Oh, so, happy 4th of July to anyone who celebrates that. I myself went up to my grandma's to see my cousins and watch fire-works. Really the whole affair was uncomfortable. I don't do well around my mum's side of the family. Our whole little group or whatever is already a black sheep from the rest of the family where my grandma is, but then I'm about the black-sheepiest of the lot, compared to the rest of them at least. Though my brother does have that whole gender-queer thing going for him, but everyone likes my brother because he's a really likable person. I however have a bitch of a time because, despite being a very openly eccentric person, (aka I dress like a freak and draw stuff that looks like I was on acid) I am still really self-concious. And in this lovely little town, you are either a college student, in 4H, or you play a sport. If you don't apply to those categories, you certainly don't show it off. I was wearing my outfit that reminds me of 1800's school girl outfits. Or at least Sadako's in Yu+Me. Though I don't have an adorable Apron to go with it like she does. D: But anyway, I was wearing that, and everyone else was wearing jeans and t-shirts or what have you, and the my cousins come over wearing more normal clothes, and they were obviously leery of me. Then, lo and behold, friends of theirs join us. I was so very uncomfortable I felt like I would explode. I think I was able to contribute to the conversation a bit, enough so they didn't think I was a mute too. But, a storm came along so we went back to my grandma's and it was just my cousins again. That was more manageable, plus my mum's new boyfriend is a rather nice chap, and I talked with him a bit. While he doesn't know much about anything I like, he would still listen and ask questions and offer up what he did know. My mum had been saying he only talks about himself, and never allowed for other conversation. She must either not be good at having conversations, or doesn't know how to sit back and listen to someone talk.

Oh well, I shall cut off my rambling here, and try to go to sleep. Derp, so tired


~Tentacle Cats love school girls.

Sweet merciful Gods of various things!!!

O frabjous day, callooh callay! Who ever is the god of wealth has smiled upon me! I have found out that if I persistently do my chores, I will earn more than enough to cover costs for my Catwoman costume, and for the convention! Room and all! I am very excited, because I had been despairing over how expensive everything is. But, if things go well, I will be able to get everything I need for my Catwoman costume, and perhaps even splurge on some things. Like getting a really nice whip *plotplot* >:3 I haven't even checked any local costume stores. Though I want to, to see if I can find a better suit or goggles or what-have you.
I would even be able to get the stuff I need for my tentacle loli outfit. Which is mostly for grins and giggles, but I still really want to put it together, just to have. I'll also be able to afford my costume for my friend's masquerade ball, and maybe even the tea party everyone insisted I throw. (Though I may wait until it cools down a bit. It's been sweltering lately)


Speaking of sweltering I have two tales of woe about how FREAKING HOT it has been recently. :3
The first is something of an FML. So I decided to get off my lazy arse and go check out some books from the library. I got all my stuff together, and found my library card and everything. I kept on thinking I should bring my wallet, but I didn't because I couldn't find it. Once I started off I regretted deciding to do it in the middle of the day. It was very bright, very sunny, and very, very, hot out. And the course I take to the library consists of a rather long stretch on a dirt road, with hardly any shade. By the time I got to the library I was dying. But the library is nice and air-conditioned, and I was soon cooled off. I had a lovely pile of books picked out too. Needless to say I felt accomplished. But, lo and behold, when go to check out my books, the computer tells me I cannot, due to my outstanding fines... (over 10 dollars) I didn't have any money on me either, so I had to go put back my books and walk home through the same scorching conditions, but I had the pleasure of being empty handed. It kinda sucked.
Then, today, I went the same rout to meet kelsey to go have lunch. Pretty much the conditions were the same, but this time I was on a bike. (With a practically flat back tire mind you. Stupid bike tires and their holes) Now I've been waking up at noon or later most days, because I stay up most of the night on the computer and what have you. So I hadn't been awake very long when I had to be off. This also meant that I hadn't eaten. Which was 100% stupid on my part. So I'm riding through the sun with no food in my stomach, and I meet Kelsey, but we still have this lovely hill to go up. About half way, I know I'm in trouble because I'm having a hard time breathing (don't worry I don't have asthma, I'm just a pansy-ass) and I'm "seeing stars" really the were totally awesome geometric rainbow patterns. So I stop and pretty much collapse, and I'm freaking out because I feel like I'm going to lose consciousness, which would suck obviously. But we are uber close so I get up and cross the road but I have to pause a bit after that too. We finally get to the place and it's cool inside and away from the sun, and I start feeling tons better right away. And the food there is delicious, I got the Fettucini Alfredo (Kelsey suggested I get some carbs. But it was an Italian place, so really what else am i going to get?) And I felt tons better, after I ate something and got a cold drink. So it was just getting there that was a bitch, after that I had a fantastic time.

Oh and I suppose I should just toss this in here, just because everyone wants to hear about my romantic life. But Alex and I snogged, twice now. Hooraaayyy. It took a bit to get used to it at first, I'm not a very good at necking, but I think I have it figured out, at least with him. Derp. That is all.




~Tentacle cats have ALL THE MONEY IN THE WOOOOOORRRLLLLLLD.

Huh, I guess the week is almost over...

And it seems like I haven't really done all that much, even though I guess I did.
The Princess Bride thing was uber fantastic and fun, everyone there was laughing and quoting the movie, and it was overall a fantastic experience. Katie and I didn't really talk too much, our words aren't very much the same any more (if that makes any sense at all) but our body language still connects (ew, that sounds creepy and weird, I assure you it wasn't) As in, we couldn't really talk all that well, but when we started playing war we had a good time, and she still did silly things she used to do, and we could talk about the past pretty well. I guess this is just what happens when you don't see friends for really long periods of time.
I also hung out with my friend Sam (Sam is a girl) At first it was just a teensy bit awkward, but then we got back into talking and joking about the stuff we used to. We (we being I just lol'd and gave support and she did the actual tech stuff) made a little video thing using clips from How to Train your Dragon to make a small video for "Jizzed in my Pants" it's pretty funny, and is mush better than anything I could do. Plus we got some good bits to put in there.
Then today I got my braces all adjusted. They're a tad sore but it's not a huge deal. I don't see why most teenagers bitch so much about "ohmygaaaaawd my braces hurt sooooo muuuuuch. I haaaaate theeem I look like soooooooooo uuuuuugggggllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy. I hate everyone and everything even remotely responsible for my epic pain and sufferiiiiing" Ahem. Well. It's not THAT far off, you cannot deny. It's really not that big of a deal. Braces tend not to look to bad on people, and if you customize them with colors and such they can be fashionable even, or they can mean something. For example, I'm going to Pride soon, so I go rainbow bands on my teeth. They look uber fantastic, and I'll be able to flash a rainbow every time I smile really big! I love rainbows too. Oh... if anyone reads this, should I paint something on my leg or something for Pride? It might not even be something extravagant, or even LGBT Pride based, just a pretty something somewhere on my person. I think I might, and some people have mistaken my body-art for tattoos, so I think it would be kinda fun. Hurm... maybe I'll just ask the friends who are going. I could paint something on them too maybe :3
Oh Alex was supposed to hang out today, but something happened so that he couldn't. Sadface. I may not see him for a while actually, since he's busy until monday or sunday, and my mum and I might be going on a trip. Derp, the Universe.
Uhm. Not much else is going on, though I think I'm going to get over my fear of being eaten by a raccoon and start venturing out at night more. I have this little spot that I go to. It's about a block (not even) from my house, and it's back in between this little grassy meadow for water run-off and this fence. It's nice, and not many people go there. I even painted a little cat on a fence post. It was first piece of graffiti I ever did. It wasn't planned out too well, and I was convinced I was going to get caught. (lol) So it doesn't look very good, but I want to do more srs bsns graffiti around the park or something, because I think there should be more graffiti art rather than just stupid tagging. My brother already has a few scattered around, though most have been "removed" but mine will be smaller, and more out of the way. Hopefully they'll be able to convey a message too.

Uhm, I think that's enough rambling for tonight though, so I guess I'm off!




~ Tentacle cats are seasoned petty criminals.

Sorted Out... I Think

Well, I think I've figured some things out, thank goodness too. Mostly about romantic stuff, but that really is the biggest plague in my life, confusion-wise at least.
What brought about this clearing in my thoughts was a visit from a certain Kendra you will most likely remember (I had a crush on her that was, in looking back, very un-based and kind of unhealthy. Ah hindsight, you make everything so painfully clear so painfully late.) Well, anyway, before she had been on my mind in less than honorable ways. So I was both eager to see her, and dreading it. When she arrived we flirted a bit and that was about it, I was rather relieved. But we did flirt... and I started feeling rather guilty about the whole thing. This guilt was an eye-opener for me, kind of like a bucket of cold water or a slap in the face, wholly unpleasant during, but mind clearing afterwards.
I had been feeling some confusion with what I felt towards Kendra and Alex. But now I figured it out, Kendra (and a lot of other little crushes) were just me floundering around in teenage hormones. Or at least that's what I figure. I had all this need for romance bopping around my head, making me reach out for things and people that weren't really going to help me, but might. But once Alex came around, I finally had a stable outlet for all of those thoughts and feelings, one that doesn't piss me off or make me feel uncomfortable all the time.
So there's that release, hoorah. Which also leads me to find that I really care for Alex, and it's not just me entertaining a small fancy. We can hang out for hours, and the only reason we stop is because it's late and one of us needs to be picked up. He's really a fun guy to be around.

Also we kissed. It was a very nice kiss. My stomach did a little flip, the good kind. *coughcough*




Erm, in other news my summer is progressing, I'm making some decisions on my Catwoman cosplay. My mum insists I start driving, and that'd be all good and well, if it weren't for the fact that I have misplaced my permit, and I had come to terms with the idea of driving too. FFFFFF THE UNIVERSE!!!

Also I have a rather busy week next week I'm going to a fancy showing of The Princess Bride with a friend. (It's pretty much our movie ) X3 I'm getting together with another friend that I haven't seen in ages, I have voice lessons, and then I have the Pride Parade. Which I am very, very excited for.




~ Tentacle cats are never busy

Hair Cut

That's pretty much what happened today... I got a hair cut.
It's not even a fancy new style, just my normal style. My stylist (Who is indeed awesome) really wants me to cut my hair short, in something of an a-line. It would look really awesome with my face shape and what-not, but I really like my hair-style. I thought of it myself, and I really like how it looks and how it styles. I can manage this hair. I don't want to get rid of it just yet, I still have plans of what I want to do with it, and I'm not sick of it yet. Plus I'm not sure I could just wake up and go with short hair, not to mention I like putting my hair up in pig tails and pony tails and stuff. I like having long hair to play with and braid and style... drat. I don't know. I shall proceed to consult all of my friends and acquaintances.
Also, Alex is coming over tomorrow. I'm excited to see him, it's rather pathetic how clingy I am with others, but I don't like when people cling to me. I'm a dirty hypocrite like that. ;3
We finally told each other that we like one-another, I don't know how having two shy people in a relationship is going to work out, darn my tentativeness. Though I am going to be wearing and uber smexy outfit tomorrow, being the horrible tease that I am. But nothing says "I wanna suck face with you" Like tube tops and faux leather dresses/coats. If I put my mind to it, I will put up some pictures. Now if only I had a katana or something...


~Tentacle Cats have faaaaaaaabulous hair... er... fur

LoL Zombies

Alex did want to hang out the other day. Hoorah.
He found his copy of Pulp Fiction, which I had never seen before, I went over and watched it with him. I very much enjoyed that movie. Though sometimes Quentin Tarantino's love for very non-linear plots bothers me. I'm curious to see what it would be like to see one of his movies in chronological order... if it would make any more sense, or any less. Oh, while watching the movie we held hands. It took half the film, but it happened. Squee. We also watched some low-budget zombie-ish film. It was cheesy but still creepy. (I didn't know zombies had so much puss inside them. blurg.) We held hands some more. Also, his family seems really nice, his mom made us root-beer floats :3 nyommm~<3
He has a straight jacket too, I tried it on and it fit pretty well. I was really excited about trying it on. I looked like a total bad-ass, and now I kind of want to be a crazy person for halloween, especially if my friend is going to be a creepy nurse. If not though, I'm going to be a stylized Koshari clown. Pretty much I'll be covered in black and white stripes, I'll have a hat with two pointy"ears" on it, and I'll get to carry around a water melon. Sounds like good times to me :3
Uhm, anywho, after we watched the movies we went to the park and hung out a bit. We went on the swings and sat on the ground and talked and such. Then when we got home he tried to teach me some bass, but I generally sucked and played it more like a guitar than a cello. (And I used to play the cello too) I dub it as good times overall, though, so haHA!
Today I went and hung out with my mum's students. They brought their games this time. As I predicted, they pwned me. I feel so ashamed, getting beat by a bunch of 5th graders. But oh well, I guess that just means I'll have to train even more so that I can become the very best that no one ever was. *cough cough*

I hate how hot laptops get. I don't like having something so hot on my belly .3.

Speaking of temperatures, I accidentally took home Alex's mood ring. I've been looking at it all day, and as far as I can tell it's been accurate. I love mood rings, I want to get one of my own. And maybe a good one, that won't turn my finger green X3




~Tentacle cats can bass like beasts

The Graduation Gauntlet.

Well, it's the end of the year, which means many things. Sun, Friends, Solitude, Free time and a whole slew of graduation related affairs. My brother graduated this year, so I went to his "Continuation Ceremony" which wasn't entirely boring. I ate with my dad's side of the family. The food wasn't too good sadly. The day after that I had my last two finals to take. They were pretty easy and I'm sure I did at least ok on them. The next day I went to my cousin's graduation that was outside, I forgot sun-screen. Needless to say, my shoulders are burn-tastic. I then went and had lunch with my dad's side of the family again, which was indeed fun. The food was better too, hooray P.F. Chang's! The rest of the day I just hung around and was on a whole fairly useless. Then the next day, yesterday, was my brother's graduation party. I helped a lot with setting up and running about. Thank goodness my mum had me invite some of my friends to that or else I would have exploded from family contact. My last week of school was seriously hectic. Blerg. But now I'm looking forward to a day of relative isolation. Unless Alex wants to hang out, then screw isolation I say.
I'm really craving this basil, tomato, and goat (?) cheese salad thing. It's italian, and you cover it in salt and olive oil. It's pretty delicious. Speaking of healthy food. I want to find some simple ways to cook couscous, other than just preparing the stuff, like good spices or seasonings to add to it. I want to eat a bit healthier, so that I can have more energy and maybe get rid of my little love handles. But if that doesn't happen I won't be crushed. It's not like I'm fat or overweight, I'm just not very healthy. But I shall never relinquish eating sweets or other snackish foods. X3
Oh, also, color guard is starting up again. We have yet another new instructor, but I think I'm going to like him, though his assistant intimidates me, as most flexible dancer-type people do. It's weird that I'm in color guard, because I'm not a dancer, I'm not flexible, I'm not very graceful, and I'm certainly not athletic in any way. I guess I just like having something to do after school, though I've never been in any clubs. I want to join some next year, like our school's G.S.A (now called Co-exist) and the Secular Humanist club. But I may not even get up the courage to do that. Curse my need to never do anything wrong.

I think that's about all I want to talk about... peace out.


~Tentacle Cats can never get sun burns.